ok... and i have to add... i love my mia.

well... today was definitely a better day. i decided that i'm going to take that night class this summer, so i'll be able to work at the bank... that is, if they hire me. (but i'm not going to worry about that!) i wrote a letter to them today asking if they had any positions available for the summer and if they'd send me an application. *crosses fingers*

i have also decided that i'm not going to let the things that i don't understand, can't change, and don't have yet, bother me. there are reasons for these things, and i just have to accept the fact it's all a part of life. i guess what i really have to do is keep myself from thinking about these things. worrying never changes anything. i know this in my head, but i keep worrying anyway... i wonder if i'll ever really learn...

i was just telling a friend of mine how important trust is to me... how it takes a lot for me to trust people to begin with, but then when they break my trust it's close to impossible for me to trust them again... at least not for a long time. i wonder why this is. obviously, trust is important to most people, but i just seem to put a larger emphasis on it than some of my friends. anyway... that's just what's goin on in my head right now...

kate put this new link on her blog... "A Satirical Guide to Safety in Wartime".it's so funny... you should definitely read it!

on that note, it's totally my bedtime... so good night... sleep tight... love to all...

ummm... i would like it to be april 30th right... NOW! ugh... being home this weekend was so wonderful! i love my house... and i even love bloomsburg. i can't wait to get back there for the summer. i miss my parents, and my dog, and my bed, and... just... everything. on the downside, though, i might have to work at giant again. *whine* i was thinking about working at a bank, but i have to take a class, and i'm not sure how that would work with scheduling. however, there is a possibility of a night class which would totally work. i really hope that works out. (how many times can i say "work" in one paragraph?)

i'm a little frustrated tonight... about a lot of things... pretty much life in general right now. there are just so many things that i don't understand... so many things i wish i could change... so many things i wish i didn't have to wait for... *sigh* i guess i should just go to bed... tomorrow's another day...

seriously... isn't it friday yet? i feel like this week has gone on forever! i don't know why that is, because i haven't really had that much to do.

tonight i talked to my friend, scott again. it is so awesome that he and i can still talk like we always have after all these years and across so many miles. i was just thinking, tonight how cool it is that i'm still in touch with him in texas and my other friend, chris, in oklahoma. they are two guys that i just adore to no end. i am so thankful that i have them to talk to. we seem to be going through a lot of similar things right now, and it's just so nice to have people to talk to who know how i'm feeling. i'm so blessed by having you guys in my life... you are an answer to prayer... i just wanted you to know that. i can't wait til we get to see each other again... i miss you guys so much!!! ... and just so no one else feels left out... i'm thankful for all of my friends... you guys are the best!

and now it is time for bed... g'night!

ugh... i'm so tired of school!!! i cannot wait to go home this weekend. it's going to be so nice to sleep in my own bed, and see my dog, and maybe i'll even take a bubble bath!!!

kate and i were looking at the course catalog tonight, trying to figure out our schedules for next semester. good grief! that is so frustrating! i would just like to say that i LOVE when the DARS says, "select from:" followed by ONE option. so really, i don't get to select ANYTHING!!! (yeah, so i've given up on refraining from using smiley faces... i love them tooooo much!)

i'm talking to my buddy, scott right now. he is the biggest nerd, but i love him to no end! i'm so bummed out that he moved to texas. he needs to come back and hang out with me! i miss him so much...

well... it is safe to say that i've become a little obsessed with the smileys... i'll try to work on that...

MY BEST FRIENDS, SHELL AND BRANDON (aka "boober") ARE GETTING MARRIED!!!! i'm so freaking excited and happy for them!!!

ma and daddy came down to visit this weekend. we had a splendid good time. i really miss them when i'm here at school, so it's always nice to see them. yesterday we went to house of pizza for lunch and then went shopping. (shell and brandon came down last night to tell me they were engaged... hehe... i love them so much! ) i took them (ma and daddy) to my church this morning, so they got to meet all the crazy people there. then i took them to the diner for lunch. i love the diner... they really liked it as well. i'm glad they got to come down... they're so much fun.

unfortunately, in just a few hours it will be the start of a brand new week. really, the only thing i have to do this week is a paper for dr. karnicky, but it is NOT fun paper. the assignment is so obscure and open-ended. i'm kinda stressed about it. i like having options, but i'm afraid of not writing what he wants. i'm probably just thinking about it way too much.

anyway... only 6 more weeks til i'm home for the summer and 8 weeks til obx!!! oh man... i love the beach... there's just something about it... it takes my breath away...

so i'm home... sometimes i love being here... sometimes i don't... so many memories...

anyway... i've been hangin out with shell and boober a lot... i love those guys... i seriously don't know what i would do without them. they are frienship personified. i'm so glad that they're in my life... thank God for you guys... love you! :)

one class stands between me and the open road to home... i'm so tempted to skip it. i want to get out of here so badly! i hope dr. karnicky lets us out early. i want to get through harrisburg before rush hour... *whine*

anyway... enough of my whining... have a great week everybody!!!

so i've pretty much decided that i need to live here this summer... for a few reasons... anyway... the problem is, i don't have a place to live until august. so i told tim and christine about it and they're going to try to find a place for me to live for june and july. they told me that they'd really like for me to stay and contiue helping out with the youth group. i'm really hoping that that works out. i'd really miss everybody at church if i had to leave for the summer... plus, i kinda just want to stay away from bloomsburg right now...

on a brighter note... i'm goin home tomorrow!!!! yay!!!! i'm so stinking excited. (i love that i just said i want to stay away from bloomsburg and now i'm saying how excited i am to go home... it's all about the timing...) it is going to be so nice to get out of this place for a week!!! plus, i get to hang out with shell and boober and my totally cool parents!!! unfortunately, i do have some work that i have to do before i come back, but it will definitely be more relaxing than a week here.

on that note, i think i'm gonna go get a jump on the relaxing! love to all...

ugh... isn't it friday yet?!?

wanna know what i did this weekend??? well, i'm gonna tell ya anyway!

last night i got to go out to eat with jess, from church. it was so nice to get to talk to her, and get to know her better... she's so much fun.

today kate and i went to see "The Passion of the Christ"... i don't really even know what to say... i was absolutely speechless afterwards. it was so emotional. it was very bloody, and parts were very difficult to watch, but i think that it made me appreciate more fully what Christ went through so that you and i could have eternal life. i came out of the film with a greater understanding of the kind of love that Christ has for me... and all humanity. i'm really glad that i went to see it. i will say that some parts were a little strange -and in my opinion, unneeded- but overall, it was a good movie... a very powerful movie... i'd definitely recommend it. i'd love to know what anyone else who has seen it thought about it... (see that comments link... use it! )

i would just like to say that i am so thrilled that i'm going home on friday! i can't believe it's already spring break! i feel like i've been looking forward to this for years! it's gonna be so great to be home with my family... and my awesome friends... *sigh* i miss them all so much! unfortunately, i won't get to see my sar cuz she's goin to portugal to see her sister, but hopefully i'll see her the next time i go home... or maybe she'll be gracious enough to come down here to visit!

well, on that note, i think i'll head to bed. it's past one already, and i have to get up at 8 for church. i'm gonna be a tired little girl tomorrow. g'night!

today was... interesting... but good. positive things happened, and that makes me happy. hopefully more positive things will happen in the near future... love to all...

so today my nose started running, my throat got a little itchy, and i got really tired. i'm not getting sick though. i don't get sick. i refuse. despite the fact that i will not get sick, i decided not to go to brad's hockey game tonight. i'm so bummed, cuz i really wanted to see him play and spend some time with my mia. i'll get to the next one, though.

lately i've been dwelling on things that i want that i don't have right now. this is never a good idea. it just makes me sad. my mother keeps reminding me though, of this verse...
"Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart."
-Psalm 37:4
i know it's true... but sometimes it's just hard to believe...

it's been a long week. i'm so glad it's over. hopefully next week will be less eventful... and less sad...

this week is probably going to involve a ridiculous amount of reading for me. i love to read, but books about disasters aren't exactly my favorite (i have to annotate one for my sociology of disaster class). the other book i have to read is a crime novel. that's actually been pretty good so far. it's the first of a trilogy... all of which we'll be reading in my scotish lit. class. all i can say is... they better be better than the last book we read. it was absolutely horrible, and to make it worse, we had to watch the bloody movie on thursday night. i have never wanted to throw myself out a window more than i did that night. it was compltely mind-numbing.

on a brighter note, only two more weeks til spring break!!! good heavens! i cannot wait!!!

so i've been thinking about friendship a lot lately, and i've realized that i've been blessed with some really great friends... people that stick with me through thick and thin... so thanks, guys. much love to all...

"A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out."
-unknown

i love switchfoot. they're just about all i've been listening to this week... so here's a song that i really like... it's called "On Fire"

They tell you where you need to go
They tell you when you need to leave.
They tell you what you need to know
They tell you who you need to be.

But everything inside you
knows there's more than what you've heard
There's so much more than empty conversations
filled with empty words

And you're on fire
When he's near you
You're on fire when he speaks
You're on fire burning at these mysteries.

Give me one more time around
Give me one more chance to see.
Give me everything you are
Give me one more chance to be near you.

When everything inside me
Looks like everything I hate
You are the hope I have for change
You are the only chance I'll take

And I'm on fire when you're near me
I'm on fire when you speak
I'm on fire burning at these mysteries.

I'm standing on the edge of me,
I'm standing at the edge of everything I've ever been
And I've been standing at the edge of me, standing
At the edge

this weekend went soooo quickly! friday night ma and i went up to wilkes barre to do a little shoppin. i wanted to go to target... just for the fun of it, and barnes and noble to get a few books that i've been wanting to read. unfortunately, they didn't have either of the books, so i was disappointed. i spent the rest of the evening hanging out with brandon, shell and maria playin cranium and taboo. shell is hilarious with cranium. oh man. what a silly girl!

on saturday my friend, jessie, who used to live down the street from me when we were little, stopped by to see me. it was so nice to see her! she is doing so well which is so exciting, and her boyfriend is the sweetest guy! i'm so happy for her!!!

later that night i met jimi at applebee's. we had a nice chat about a lot of things. it went really well. i hope that things continue to be positive for both of us.

this morning i got up and headed back here to lancaster for a staff meeting at church. i tell ya... we youth leaders know how to have a good time! i always have a lot of fun when i'm with that bunch. i'm really enjoying getting to know them better.
i spent the remainder of the afternoon working on a stupid paper for literary research and analysis (which is the longest name of a class... ever!). i'm not really sure that i did exactly what the assignment was, but i'm really hoping... otherwise i'm not going to be very happy. it was a little confusing.

well, tomorrow is the start of a brand new week. i hope it is a good one for everyone!

i'm stealing kate's survey.

Name Four Bad Habits You Have:
1) procrastinating
2) eating when i'm bored
3) hitting the snooze... or just not getting up when i'm supposed to
4) being impatient

Name Four Things That You Wish You Had:
1) my degree...
2) i'm with katie on the "fantabulous summer job"
3) a '65 shelby mustang... black... mmm....
4) something from this weekend...

Name Four Scents You Love:
1) pear
2) coffe!!!!!
3) apple pie baking
4) boy

Name Four Things You'd Never Wear:
1) i would previously have said pink... but i can't anymore... i actually own pink clothing now... weird.
2) anything camoflage... out of respect...
3) sequins
4) anything with large bows or flowers

Name Four Things You Are Thinking About Now:
1) my mia... love you...
2) target this weekend!!!! (and seein shell and boober )
3) my youth group kids
4) how badly my back hurts

Name Four Things That You Have Done Today:
1) went to class
2) handed in the STUPID FREAKING SOCRATES PAPER
3) i'm sure i tripped on something... or just plain fell over for no reason
4) ignored the alarm clock

Name the Last Four Things You Have Bought Recently:
1) soda
2) pretzles
3) notebook
4) chocolate of some kind

Name Four Drinks You Regularly Drink:
1) apple juice
2) iced tea
3) cranberry juice
4) kiwi strawberry juice

Last Thing You Laughed At?
the paper kate read to me

What's Under Your Bed?
loads of shoes, printer paper, clothes rack, luggage, laundry detergent, clothes basket, dictionary, folders

What Time Did You Wake Up Today?
10

Current Hair?
whatever it feels like doing

Current Clothes?
sweat pants and t-shirt... my favorite

Current Desktop Picture?
looks like the carribbean... man, what i woudln't do to be there right now!!!

Current Worry?
mia...and all the stuff i have to do this weekend...

Current Hate?
the guy downstairs "playing" the guitar

Last CD You Bought?
bought? who does that?!?

Favorite Place To Be?
in my living room chattin with my parents and my buds

Least Favorite Place?
depends on the circumstances...

Favorite Color?
blue

Favorite Day?
i'm gonna go with saturday

i thought i'd just share a verse with you today...

"God is our refuge and strength, and ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea..."
-Psalm 46:1-2

i hope someone is encouraged by that... love to all...

so i've become a little obsessed with the blog. i spent half my time picking out these new colors today, and therefore have not finished the 6 page paper that's due on thursday. it's all kate's fault, though. she got me started on this whole blogging concept!

so this paper i have to write is about justice (it's for philosophy). there's a lot of discussion in Plato's Republic about justice... the guys (Socrates, Glaucon, Thrasymachus, and Adiemantus) intend to define justice, and decide whether justice or injustice is more profitable. one of them thinks that injustice is more profitable, which instantly made me upset. then i thought about it though, it really is true in a worldly sense. of course, we have laws (that are sometimes enforced) to curb stealing, and murdering, but who's gonna stop someone from saying something unkind to someone else? Adiemantus says that justice is hard and injustice is easy, therefore injustice is more profitable. perhaps injustice is more appealing and has more benefits here on earth than justice does. however, i believe that justice has more rewards after death than injustice does. well, those are just some of my thoughts... do they make any sense... think i should use them in my paper?

now is the part where i go upstairs and talk to my favorite... mark. g'night all!

i suppose i will share a few funny stories from the weekend with you...
so uh, friday afternoon ryan decided to jump into the freezing cold ocean. i had the pleasure of video taping the whole ordeal. it was absolutely hilarious. he looked like he was in so much pain. but here's the funny part. woody decided that he too would take a nice little splash in the atlantic. i still had the video camera so i decided to tape him as well. so i push record and look at the little screen, but i can't see anything. i know i'm taping though, so i just keep pointing the camera at him and say "there he goes... i can't believe he's doing this! i don't know why i can't see him, but i know i'm pointing the camera at him!" so he jumps in, and i continue taping. i thought maybe i couldn't see anything on the screen because of the sun or something, so i tried shading it. that didn't work, so i turn it around trying to figure it out, and the cap is still on. yes, ladies and gentlemen, i am an idiot. i should never be left alone with an electronic device. i couldn't even deny it was me, cuz jesse was standing next to me when i realized that the cap was still on the lens. he thought it was thoroughly amusing. so now we have a video of the lens cap and me yelling about not being able to see woody jump into the ocean. i'm never going to live that down.
my next story happened on saturday night. christine went for a walk on the beach with one of the girls, so i was going around to all the rooms making sure everybody was where they were supposed to be. i went into one of the boy rooms and started chatting with paul, angel, ryan, and eric. we were talking about all sorts of things, and at one point paul said something about women and cooking or something like that. so i said "oh, i see how it is. you like your women barefoot, naked, and in the kitchen!" they all just looked at me and started laughing. i didn't understand what was so funny. then it hit me. "oh, it's pregnant!" i said. that caused a severe amount of laughter, and i highly doubt i'll be living that one down any time soon.
so those are my funny stories. i hope you are amused. i'm off to bed now... i'm still totally sleep deprived...

aaaahhhh... what an awesome weekend! it was so great to "get away from it all". for those who don't know, i went on a youth retreat with the youth group that i help out with this weekend. we went to ocean city, maryland which was COMPLETELY GORGEOUS yesterday. i can't even express how awesome it was. i went down early with christine to help set things up and all that jazz. it was nice talking to her and getting to know her. the rest of the leaders and the students got to the hotel around 11:30 on friday night. we pretty much just hung out and talked which was really cool for me, cuz i don't know anybody all that well. the leaders are such "special" people. haha no, seriously, they are an awesome bunch, and i am so blessed to be part of it! we had a really awesome speaker, too. his name is paul lane and he is just a real, solid, christian man. his example spoke volumes to the students, and i think that is just so awesome. speaking of the students... what awesome kids! they were such a blessing to me this weekend. it was so cool getting to know them... especially the girls. (sorry guys ) i'm so excited about getting to know them better as time goes on. i could go on and on about this weekend, but my back hurts too much to sit in front of the computer any longer. plus, i'm so tired i've become completely delerious. so i may share some funny stories tomorrow. (the suspense is killing you, i'm sure)

katie found these today... i have to share them with one and all... they're my new favorite candy
bittersweets

i especially like this part of the article: "Truly, "BitterSweets(tm)" are the perfect gift for you OR for someone you love, especially if that special someone is one who doesn't want to hurt your feelings but just doesn't feel that way about you but still wants to be friends so they can torment you with stories about their crushes on someone who doesn't appreciate them like you do, can't love them like you can, and actually takes pleasure in corralling a herd of fawning "just friends" behind themselves as they indulge in one self-destructive relationship after another, with no hope of ever finding true love, despite an army of souls eager to lavish it upon them."

did i make these things up without knowing it?!? i didn't think anyone else in the world loathed valentine's day as much as i do. i'm actually kind of disappointed that someone else thought of these before i did.

on a side note, i find it thoroughly amusing that the ad at the top of my blog is about valentine's day considering i said nothing about that horrible holiday that i loathe with all that is in me.

i was just laying on my bed looking at a picture of cj and i in mr. cughan's room during our senior year. i was happy then. what happened? i guess life happened. i wonder when i'll be happy like that again. maybe never. i thought life was tough then... funny how things you used to think were terrible problems become insignificant as you grow up. i will be happy again. it's not that i'm terribly depressed right now. it's just that it's harder to get through the day. it's probably more loneliness than pure sadness. of course, i think the two go hand-in-hand. i've realized, though, that happiness is a choice sometimes. sometimes life is really hard... it is for everyone... what matters is how you deal with it. decide to be happy and you will be.

wow... really wish i could delete many of my past blogs...