great news!!!!


i just got a call from the apartment complex in lancaster...



i got the apartment i wanted!!!! and i can move in on may 26th!!!!! yay!!!!



now all i have to do is schedule classes down there, and wait to see if i can go back to work at fulton (which depends on jon, the guy i used to work with, getting a full time job... so ya'll can pray that that will happen, since it will benefit both of us. see, i'm not being totally selfish... hehe)


i will leave you with these words from Psalm 139:1-10:

"1 O LORD, you have searched me and you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3 You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways.
4 Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O LORD.
5 You hem me in—behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.
7 Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence?
8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea,
10 even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast."



love to all...

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation;


the old has gone,


the new has come!



-2 Corinthians 5:17



}i{

i was in lancaster this weekend for miss abigail's wedding (which was loads of fun... and she was so BEAUTIFUL!!!), and i was reminded once again why i love that county. i was so blessed by the wonderful weather, and even more wonderful friends...


it might not be so hard to leave bloomsburg after all...








(i will miss ceejer and greggy lots, though!!!!!)

the past few days have made me realize that i'm really going to miss bloomsburg... this place will always be home... *sigh* my heart is torn...


nelson mandela once said, "there is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find the ways in which you yourself have altered". this is true, but i must add that returning to such a place can also reveal how you've remained unchanged...







it's gonna be hard to leave...

believe it or not, it's sunny in scranton again. two wednesdays in a row... it's a MIRACLE! hehe

it's amazing how a little sunshine can change my attitude. several little annoyances occurred today, and i responded to them very differently today than i have in the past (for instance, when it's really gloomy outside). like this morning... i was going to the meter to put some more money in when i saw that there was an open spot right in front of the building. so, i thought i'd move my car up, but by the time i got to the spot, someone had already taken it. on a different day i probably would have been frustrated by that, but today i thought to myself, "oh well. i'll get to drive around for a couple blocks listening to the new fall out boy cd and enjoying the sunshine". now i know some of you *cough--mark--cough* will probably think i'm lying about this, but i'm really not. i become very different when the sun is shining. it's like i'm the opposite of a vampire... or something. hahahaha (forgive me... i'm really random today... perhaps also a symptom of the sunshine...)

now if only i could learn to have the same positive attitude no matter what the weather or the circumstances. but growth is a process... and when i struggle i'm able to experience God's grace... what a wonderful thing...

so, i hope that as you're reading this, it's sunny wherever you are...


love to all...

today is beautiful. walking outside this morning without wearing a bulky winter coat was wonderful! it's amazing how a little sunshine can make me feel so good. it is a beautiful reminder that winter doesn't last forever. there is always the hope of spring...


you should feel the sun in spring
comin out after a rain
suddenly all is green
sunshine on everything
i can feel it now
i feel You now
and how could such a thing
shine its light on me
and make everything beautiful
and you should hear the angels sing
all gathered round their king
more beautiful than you could dream
i've been quietly listening
you can hear them now
i hear them now
and how could such a king
shine His light on me
and make everything beautiful
and i want to shine
i want to be light
i want to tell you it'll be alright
and i want to shine and i want to fly
just to tell you now
it'll be alright, it'll be alright


'cause i've got nothing of my own to give to you
but this light that shines on me shines on you
and makes everything beautiful, again
it'll be alright...

-david crowder band "stars"

12 weeks til the end of the semester... 15 til i'm back in lancaster!


woo!!!!

as i do every year, i will now share with you my favorite anti-valentine's card of the year...

love it.

well... it's official...




i'm moving back to lancaster in june (yes, this june)!!!!




woo!!!!!





anyone know of an apartment i can rent?

what is your passion?


last night i started reading the book about Green Day that i bought recently. it's called Nobody Likes You by Marc Spitz. besides being well written, the book is captivating because of the story of these three guys who are so passionate about their music, and the message behind it, that they're willing to sacrifice anything in order to play.

it's no secret that i'm not much of a musician, but it's also no secret that i love music a great deal. a good song can touch my soul (and even change my life) in ways that not much else can. as i was reading the introduction to this book i couldn't help but feel this longing to be a part of something like Green Day. their music and message have touched people's lives in very real and special ways, and i'm jealous of them. i'm jealous of their talent, and i'm jealous of their passion.

i say i'm passionate about a lot of things... like poverty, environmental issues, people (that's pretty vague, eh?)... the list goes on. but when was the last time i really sacrificed anything in order to further these causes that i'm so "passionate" about??? i'm not sure i ever really have. it's time to change that...



love to all...

calmer than the sky
far away so blue
land of Living God
grant your peace on earth
we can feel you move and cannot stay the same
the winds are blowing strong
God of heaven come

breathe peace
breathe your peace on us
so we might breathe you deep
breathe peace
breathe your peace on us
land of the living God

if we are in the way
move us to the side
God forgive our wrongs
rest your hands on us
all the world is yours
let us not forget
it was you who bore the cross
God of comfort breathe
breathe peace...

-Robbie Seay Band "Peace"

i'm bored i'm bored i'm bored i'm bored i'm booooooorrrrrrrred!!!!!!


ok, now that i got that out of my system...


i'm at catholic social services today. i was supposed to have one client today, buuuttttt he didn't show up. this is nothing new for this client, or most others for that matter. it's frustrating, but i shouldn't complain. i did a little reading, and got to chat with some friends for most of the day. the good news is that i won't have to do this kind of thing forever, and while i am doing it, perhaps i'm learning to be more patient (those who know me well are probably thinking, "where's the evidence of that?!?").

on a less whiny note... this past weekend was wonderful. i'm very much looking forward to living in lancaster again. it's always so hard to leave...

i'm also looking forward to this weekend. ceejer and i are gonna have movie night (or "chick night" as she called it today) on friday or saturday. that'll be a good time, as always.


i have such wonderful friends... i'm so blessed...


love to all...



(14 weeks)

I give up, I lay down
Rest my face upon this ground
Lift my eyes to Your sky
Rid my heart of all I hide
So sweet this surrender

How great Your love for us
How great our love for You
That grace could cover us
How great Your love

How marvelous, how brilliantly
Luminous, You shine in me
And who can fail to give You awe
To fear You, God, so sovereign and strong

I’m so bored of little gods
While standing on the edge of
Something large
While standing here, so close to You
We could be consumed

What a glorious day


-David Crowder Band "How Great"

*sigh*





116 days...




on another note... old friends are so wonderful... i've been so blessed by some of mine lately... even in the short time that i spent with them (or just talking to them)... i hope you all know how much i appreciate you...




love to all...

a little thought from our daily bread...

"...we can be at home in any dwelling, for our safekeeping lies not in the place where we live but in God Himself. We can dwell 'in the secret place of the Most High' and 'abide under the shadow of the Almighty' (Psalm 91:1). There, in His presence, under His wings, we find refuge. The eternal God becomes our dwelling place."


perhaps the reason God sometimes allows us to live in places we're not all that fond of is to force us into His presence. often, when we're comfortable we tend to forget about God. i think this is why He allows difficult circumstances. if only we could learn to keep Him first when life is easy...

117 days til the end of the semester!!!!



perhaps soon i'll be able to tell you why that's significant. *crosses fingers*


:)

"Laughter is the sun that drives winter from the human face"
-Victor Hugo






...which reminds me... i need to see my katie... and sooooooon!!!!

i had a wonderful christmas! i hope you all did as well.

i spent most of the day laying around, making dinner, eating dinner, and laying around some more with my family. i also received wonderful reminders that i have some very special people in my life, whose minds i must have been on at some point during the day (and who are often on mine as well) since i got text messages from them... which completely made my holiday. it's 'little' things such as these that make life worthwhile.



love to all...

it's 4am and i'm wide awake.



and i have to be up in 3 hours.




i've taken longer naps than that.

i read this in the daily bread this morning, and thought it was pretty awesome... so i decided to share...

"Their sins and their lawless deeds I will remember no more."
-Hebrews 8:12

the author was talking about how pastors and Christians in general emphasize that God says He'll forget our sins. he continued by saying that this isn't always very comforting to people because God can always remember... he is God after all. then the author spoke about a time he heard a pastor say that the verse says God promises to remember no more. it doesn't say he'll forget. it says he chooses not to remember. that is so much more powerful than forgetting. he willingly chooses not to remember so that we can be right with Him.

awesome.

i heart lancaster county.

this weekend was fantastic. i got to spend most of saturday with my buddy, garrett from high school. it was absolutely wonderful to spend time with an old friend... especially one who loves God with all his heart, and cares so deeply about people. there's something so comforting about friends who know you well and with whom you can be honestly yourself. i hope we get to spend more time together soon.

after hanging out with garrett, i went to reading to see the kateness, which was wonderful as always. we spent the evening driving around berks county looking at people's christmas decorations. some were very nice, others were completely ridiculous, and we had a wonderful time making fun of the latter and laughing like idiots. it was great.

on sunday i went to church and saw some people i haven't seen in a while... like jess kerr... the coolest girl in youth group! i miss her so much. after church mark and i went to lunch and then to borders and target. it was an experience, as always.

speaking of missing things... i miss lancaster so much. i absolutely love being there. i'm so much happier when i'm in that county than i am any other time. i can't really put into words how i feel when i'm there. garrett asked me what i love about it, and i didn't really have a good answer. i said it reminds me of bloomsburg in some ways, but it has good aspects of a city. that doesn't nearly describe why i love it.

i love it because to me it's home...

huzzah!!! classes are over for the semester!!!

AND i'm going to lancaster this weekend to see some of my most favorite people in the whole wide world! woo!

and now i present a survey... stolen from the roommate...

Name Four Bad Habits You Have:
1) Eating junk food late at night
2) Talking to myself in public... I've gotten so used to doing it since I now live alone, that I forget that I shouldn't do it when other people are around
3) Sitting with my leg under me, so that it cuts off the circulation and makes it "fall asleep"
4) Cracking my ankle incessantly before I fall asleep at night

Name Four Things That You Wish You Had:
1) My favorite people nearby
2) Something shiny (hahaha... I was just perusing jewelery stores with a bunch of giggling women)
3) A doctoral degree, so that I could just get on with my life already! hahaha
4) The ability to draw and paint well

Name Four Scents You Love:
1) My parents' house
2) My vanilla cookie candle
3) Fields in the summer
4) Christmas trees

Name Four Things You'd Never Wear:
1) Fur
2) Camoflage
3) Ridiculously long fingernails
4) "Ug" boots (or whatever they're actually called)

Name Four Things You Are Thinking Now:
1) "I'm up way past my bedtime."
2) "I'm old."
3) "We're getting our Christmas tree tomorrow!!!"
4) "I have a lot of work to do!!!!"

Name Four Things That You Have Done Today:
1) Went to 2 classes from 9 am- 3pm
2) Drove home from Scranton
3) Went to dinner with my parents, and had this amazing penne with vodka sauce at Balzano's in Bloomsburg (i highly reccomend it... the food is fantastic, and Mr. Balzano gives you a hug and kiss when you walk in)
4) Went shopping in downtown Bloomsburg during their "Late Night Shopping" event with Ceej, Brenda, Erica, and Mama

Name the Last Four Things You Have Bought Recently:
1) A shirt
2) Bread
3) Aluminum foil
4) Krispy Kreme donunts (mmmmmmm....)

Name Four Drinks You Regularly Drink:
1) Diet Orange Slice (or Sunkist)
2) Cranberry apple juice
3) Water
4) Chai tea

Last Thing You Laughed At?
Ceej flirting with the cute jeweler

What's Under Your Bed?
I'm not entirely sure

What Time Did You Wake Up Today?
7:00 am

Current Hair?
A ponytail in disarray (did i spell that correctly?)

Current Clothes?
Pajamas!

Current Desktop Picture?
Johnny Depp playing the bass guitar *sigh*

Current Worry?
School, future, life in general ;)

Current Hate?
Petty girls

Last CD You Bought?
um... All American Rejects "Move Along"... total impulse buy... it's fun to listen to, but nothing to write home about

Favorite Place To Be?
Pretty much anywhere in Lancaster County

Least Favorite Place?
Pretty much anywhere in Lackawana County (Scranton, in particular)

Favorite Color?
Blue, or teal, or purple... depends on the day and the object

Favorite Day?
Saturday

1 week to go.


oh yes, then there's the next three semesters...





is it weird that i want to be a grown up?

*sigh*

so much on my mind...


i wish i could turn it off...

15-18We look at this Son and see the God who cannot be seen. We look at this Son and see God's original purpose in everything created. For everything, absolutely everything, above and below, visible and invisible, rank after rank after rank of angels—everything got started in him and finds its purpose in him. He was there before any of it came into existence and holds it all together right up to this moment. And when it comes to the church, he organizes and holds it together, like a head does a body.
18-20He was supreme in the beginning and—leading the resurrection parade—he is supreme in the end. From beginning to end he's there, towering far above everything, everyone. So spacious is he, so roomy, that everything of God finds its proper place in him without crowding. Not only that, but all the broken and dislocated pieces of the universe—people and things, animals and atoms—get properly fixed and fit together in vibrant harmonies, all because of his death, his blood that poured down from the cross.

Colossians 1:15- 20 (The Message)

once again, i'm at catholic social services, and i'm bored to tears.

the only difference is that today my head feels like it's going to explode, and i'm feeling a bit nauseated. it's fantastic.


can't wait to get home...

first of all, i feel i must warn those of you who read this blog on a regular basis that i will probably be posting a lot of excerpts from the irresistible revolution for the next couple of weeks. forgive me, but i just can't seem to help it. it's like the guy read my mind.

so here are some thoughts from mr. claiborne for today...

"Over and over, when I ask God why all of these injustices are allowed to exist in the world, I can feel the Spirit whisper to me, 'You tell me why we allow this to happen. You are my body, my hands, my feet'" (p 65).

"...I had no idea who St. Francis of Assisi was, but somehow the divine whisper that he and those young radicals heard in Italy in the thirteenth century was very familiar: 'Repair my church which is in ruins'. Now hundreds of years later, another bunch of young dreamers was leaving the Christianity that smothered them, to find God in the abandoned places, in the desert of the inner city. I felt so thirsty for God, so embarrassed by Christianity, and so ready for something more" (p. 65).

and finally...

"We do indeed have a God of resurrection, a God who can create beauty from the messes we make of our world" (p. 67).


good stuff...

"Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God's Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don't know how or what to pray, it doesn't matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves... and keeps us present before God. That's why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good."
-Romans 8:26-28 (The Message)


*sigh*

i just started reading the irresistible revolution, by shane claiborne. it's fantastic. this guy and his friends are doing all they can to change church as we know it, and i must say, i'm thrilled. i'm tempted to head down to philly to help them out.

here's my favorite part so far...

"I developed the spiritual form of it [bulimia] where i did my devotions, read all the new Christian books and saw the Christian movies, and then vomited information up to friends, small groups, and pastors. But it had never had the chance to digest. I had gorged myself on all the products of the Christian industrial complex but was spiritually starving to death. I was marked by an overconsumptive but malnourished spirituality, suffocated by Christianity but thirsty for God".

i can't tell you how many times i've felt just like that...

there is hope...

time to whine...

my apartment is freakin' freezing!!! AND i have no one to cuddle with to keep me warm.

i started field placement late (which, by the way, was not my fault in any way), so now i'm beind on my hours, and i'm probably going to have to do 2 extra weeks after the semester is over. ARGH!


time to be positive...

i only have 1 class tomorrow, and then i'm going to lunch with the girls from school.

cj and i (and perhaps others) are going to do something fun for halloween this weekend! wee!

i have wonderful friends, and even though i don't get to see them as often as i'd like, they're always in my heart (there's no way to say that without sounding sappy).


"there is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven..."

northeastern pa=bleh... southern pa=weee!


i had a FANTASTIC time with the kateness this weekend! i'm so incredibly sad that we don't live closer to each other. no one around here understands the ridiculous things that come out of my mouth when i'm tired, or why i dance when i like certain food (or when there's a song in my head). she's spectacular, and i heart her very much. hehe

the weekend was somewhat bittersweet, though. i had so much fun, but i kept thinking that i was only going to be there for a short time, and i still have quite a long time to go before i can go back for good. i can't wait for that day...

in the meantime, i don't really know what to do with myself. i constantly feel like i'm waiting for my life to start. i really don't enjoy that feeling, and i wish i knew how to make it go away. ugh... i feel old...

he's been home for years....



we haven't been 'together' for years...


but thinking about what he went through-what we both went through-what millions of others are going through- still makes me cry...



nothing good comes from war...


cultivate peace...

so bored!

i'm currently "working" at catholic social services. for the past 3 hours, i've had just about nothing to do. i did some homework, but there's not much i can do here. i'm so tired, and frustrated that i can't be at home working on the paper that's due on thursday (or taking a nap... haha). it's a bunch of silliness i tell you!

blah. i guess i'm finished complaining now.


on a happier note... i'm gonna be in lancaster this weekend!!!! i finally get to see my kateness!!! it's been way, way too long!

by the way, if anybody's free friday night, let me know.

1 more day down... at least 208 to go...





*sigh*

i wanna have a halloween party!


who wants to come???

from My Utmost for His Highest by oswald chambers…

By Spiritual Confusion

“Ye know not what ye ask.” Matthew 20:22.
There are times in spiritual life when there is confusion, and it is no way out to say that there ought not to be confusion. It is not a question of right and wrong, but a question of God taking you by a way which in the meantime you do not understand, and it is only by going through the confusion that you will get at what God wants.
The Shrouding of His Friendship. Luke 11:5-8. Jesus gave the illustration of the man who looked as if he did not care for his friend, and He said that that is how the Heavenly Father will appear to you at times. You will think He is an unkind friend, but remember He is not; the time will come when everything will be explained. There is a cloud on the friendship of the heart, and often even love itself has to wait in pain and tears for the blessing of fuller communion. When God looks completely shrouded, will you hang on in confidence in Him?
The Shadow on His Fatherhood. Luke 11:11-13. Jesus says there are times when your Father will appear as if He were an unnatural father, as if He were callous and indifferent, but remember He is not; I have told you—“Everyone that asketh receiveth.” If there is a shadow on the face of the Father just now, hang onto it that He will ultimately give His clear revealing and justify Himself in all that He permitted.
The Strangeness of His Faithfulness. Luke 18:1-8. “When the Son of Man cometh, shall He find faith on the earth?” Will He find the faith which banks on Him in spite of the confusion? Stand off in faith believing that what Jesus said is true, though in the meantime you do not understand what God is doing. He has bigger issues at stake than the particular things you ask.


whoa…

the other day i heard someone say that the moment you begin to think nothing exciting is ever going to happen to you, that's when it does.







they lied.

i love school.

i sound like such a big nerd, but i am absolutely thrilled to be back in school. i began to feel like i would never think again. it's such a fantastic feeling to be involved in intellectual discussions. hooray for academia! hehe

speaking of reasons to say, "hooray!"... the kateness is coming up to see me tomorrow!!!! it's been quite a long time since we've seen eachother, so i'm very excited! i think we're gonna go over to clarks summit for a little while, then maybe to old forge for pizza. we'll probably end the evening by watching a silly movie and drinking some girly wine. woo!

and... now i've run out of things to say...

g'night, kiddos. :)

man, i miss those mountains.

well, i'm back in the east...

colorado was absolutely amazing. boulder is my new favorite city. the people there are so laid back, open minded, and healthy. i absolutely loved it. i'm already looking forward to my next trip out there, whenever that will be.

the scenery, of course, was indescribable. here are some pictures, but trust me, they don't do those beautiful mountains justice...




this picture is of my mother (the one with the 'antlers'), my aunt susie, and my uncle tony (the one making the 'antlers') on a trail along boulder creek


this is one of many views from rocky mtn. national park in estes park, colorado

this is the local elk herd in estes park (this is what they call a "nursery herd"-- the fawns and mothers are separated from the rest of the herd. the fawns are about the size of an adult white tail deer). we were so close to them. it was absolutely amazing. they are such beautiful creatures!

and this is the town hall in nederland, colorado (about 17 miles from boulder), where my cousin cindy lived when she first moved to colorado. it's not a big town (as you may have guessed), but it's full of charm and friendly people. visit if you ever get the chance.

there ya have it... just a glimpse into the wonderful west. :)

and now it's back to reality... classes start in 2 weeks... hard to believe...

me - lancaster =

it is amazing how much i miss that place today. i keep thinking about the market, and square one, and the random places i used to drive to just to clear my head. i'm determined to get back there after grad. school. i hope that's where life takes me, cause that's really where i want to be. it's funny to think that just a few years ago, i hated being there. this was due to the fact that it takes me a great deal of time to adjust to anything new, and i was homesick. it took a while, but eventually i fell in love with the place. it has become home to me, and i'm definitely homesick...

B.O.R.E.D.


school cannot start soon enough! i've spent the past month rotting away in front of the television. i can be sure that my brain has shrunk because of this. it may sound crazy, but i cannot wait to start classes. i'm just hoping i enjoy them at least half as much as i enjoyed my classes at millersville (ah, millersville... i miss it already *sniff*).

luckily, in a couple weeks i will have reason to tear myself away from the tv. my cousin is getting married in boulder, colorado, and some members of my mother's family (including my immediate family) are trekking out there for the event. cindy (my cousin) and david (her fiance) are having the ceremony on some sort of plateau type place in the rocky mountains. it promises to be rather beautiful. most of us are planning to be out there for about a week. we plan to do a lot of hiking and sight-seeing. cindy and david are convinced that i'm going to want to stay, and from the way describe it, i think they're right. it sounds like my kind of place. they say that most of the people out there are modern-day hippies, and boulder is full of coffee houses, book stores, and art exhibits. my parents may have to come up with a way to trick me into getting on the plane to come home. it will be so good to get a new perspective... especially right before beginning a new chapter in my life.

i can't wait to get out there...

thought for the day...

"Every noble work is at first impossible."
-Thomas Carlyle

lyric of the moment...

they say we've been looking for illegal immigrants
can we check your car
i say you know it's funny
i think we were on the same boat back in 1694

-indigo girls "shame on you"



so i've been a college graduate for almost a month now, and i'm still not sure i know how i feel about it. i'm not sure i'm ready to grow up, but i have no choice. life is changing a mile a minute, and i'm not doing a very good job of keeping up with it.

i'm not fond of friends being far away. my biggest wish at the moment is that all the people i love could be in the same place at the same time... all the time. i'm always hesitant about making new friends, probably cause i'm not very good at it, and there have been very few times in my life that i've met someone new and they turned out to be a really great friend. that makes the friends i have special though. i just wish they were closer.

it's funny... i want everyone to stay in the area (and others to move to it), and all the while i'm thinking about where i'm going to be in 2 years. at this point i have no idea. i could be across the country... or in another one. who knows. the thought both excites and terrifies me at the same time. i don't like change, but at the same time, i like knowing that there are more adventures out there for me. my life is such a dichotomy sometimes.

so this is my last night in this dreadful apartment. woo!!!

as much as i'm not going to miss this place, i am going to miss all the late night chats and lazy afternoons of watching food network with the roommate. i'm sure we haven't had our last late night chat or our last afternoon of food network, but things certainly won't be the same anymore. i'm really gonna miss millersville too. i feel like i just got settled, and now i'm leaving. it really doesn't help that i'm moving to scranton, or as i like to call it, the armpit of pennsylvania. i wish i was excited about moving on to the next phase of my life, but instead i'm kinda terrified. *sigh* i am so bad at change...

song for the day...

Attention! Attention!
May I have all your eyes and ears to the front of the room,
If only, if only for one second
Will you hear what I have to say?
Oh, did I mention when I see you it stings like hell?
To the fact that we could have something that'll never happen.
This table has taken a turn for the worst,
Rock bottom and over the edge
Well it’s not like it hurts that much anyway.
Upside-down and inside-out,
When I leave here I’m going alone
Well it’s not like, not like it, hurts much anyway.
Attention! Attention!
May I have all your eyes and ears to the front of the room,
If only, if only for one second.
Will you hear what I have to say?
Oh, did I mention when I see you it stings like hell?
To the fact that we could have something, something…
This balance has weighed out our heart’s desire,
I’m trying to make it alone.
Well it’s not like it hurts that much anyway.
Upside-down and inside out,
When I leave here I’m going alone
But I’m dying, I’m dying, to touch..’
And it’s not like it, not like it hurts much anyway.
Attention! Attention!
May I have all your eyes and ears to the front of the room,
If only, if only for one second.
Will you hear what I have to say?
Oh, did I mention when I see you it stings like hell?
To the fact that we could have something that’ll never happen.
Did you hear what I have to (say)….
Attention Attention
Upside-down and inside-out
Attention Attention
Upside-down and inside-out
Attention! Attention!
May I have all your eyes and ears to the front of the room,
If only, if only for one second.
Will you hear what I have to say?
Oh, did I mention when I see you it stings like hell?
To the fact that we could have something that’ll never happen.
Did you hear what I have to (say)...

-The Academy Is... "Attention"

i am now a college graduate!!! :)





so excited about marywood...




but i'm really gonna miss millersville...

i'm so tired...



i have a million things on my mind...


i'm frustrated... and i'm sad... but most of all...



i'm so tired...

18 The LORD is close to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

-Psalm 34:18

i hate feeling like i'm being used.


i hate feeling like i'm being left behind.


i hate feeling like i'm falling.


i hate feeling like i have no place to land.


i hate how much i miss the way things used to be.


i hate feeling like i'm the only one who misses it.


i hate feeling like everything's changing except me...

i'm having an "i miss old friends" day today. there's something so comforting about people who have known you a long time... i really hope i get to see these people soon... it's been way too long...

besides feeling very nostalgic today, i am stressed to the max with school. i about had a nervous breakdown last night when i found out that my project for research methods is going to be quite a bit more involved than i originally thought. i hate how i allow things like that to affect me so much, so i'm trying to just let it go, and trust that it will all work out. this is not easy for me. i'm good at holding on... not letting go... but the thing is, all i can do is my best... the rest is out of my hands...

on a very different note, mark sent me the link to this video today about 9/11... pretty heavy stuff... check it out (i only watched the first 10 minutes or so, but what i saw was very well done... better than fahrenheit 9/11, if you ask me)

on that note, i'm off to work... love to all...

I don't think I'm any closer now

Than I was at fifteen

I still don't know what I really want

Or how I really feel

Sometimes I think I've seen too much

Sometimes nothing at all

And sometimes I think I just forgot

What I was looking for

-The Cure "Ocean"

You will keep in perfect peace


all who trust in you,


whose thoughts are fixed on you!


-Isaiah 26:3 (NLT)

16This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers.
17If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him?
18Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth.

1 John 3:16-18

First of all thanks for listening to our song
We hope this finds you driving in your car
or where ever you are breathe out and breathe again
know that life is hard, but its worth breathing,
listen to me now for love, oh love, It's waiting for you just to say

here come better days
here come better days
better days, and a better place I know.

Secondly I'm all messed up so royally
I stumbled my way here, but wait,
oh wait grace has found me
shaken up my soul, grace will follow
wherever you will go, listen to me now grace,
oh grace, is calling for you just to say

here come better days
here come better days,
better days, and a better place I know.

Green grass and I'm laying in the sunlight of you,
the wind is moving through the trees blustering you,
and the better days you bring, the better places found,
feasting at your table I'm overwhelmed,
and I lift my glass drink to those who never gave up,
clouds pass fading into memories gone,
and all I know for life is life and love and peace,
what else could there be?

here come better days,
oh here come better days,
better days, and a better place I know

-Robbie Seay Band "Better Days"

ah, james... i love james...

1My brothers, as believers in our glorious Lord Jesus Christ, don't show favoritism.
2Suppose a man comes into your meeting wearing a gold ring and fine clothes, and a poor man in shabby clothes also comes in.
3If you show special attention to the man wearing fine clothes and say, "Here's a good seat for you," but say to the poor man, "You stand there" or "Sit on the floor by my feet,"
4have you not discriminated among yourselves and become judges with evil thoughts?

14What good is it, my brothers, if a man claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save him?
15Suppose a brother or sister is without clothes and daily food.
16If one of you says to him, "Go, I wish you well; keep warm and well fed," but does nothing about his physical needs, what good is it?

-James 2:1-4 & 14-16

yes, today is sunday. no, i didn't go to church.

for quite some time now, my desire to be involved in church has been on what may best be described as a roller-coaster ride. my "distaste" for some aspects of the church (and by this i mean the "community of believers"-- a.k.a. christians) began during my sophomore year in high school. i went to a conservative christian school in bloomsburg, whose leaders tended (in my opinion) to be comprable to the pharisees described in the new testament. in my experience, many of the leaders of this school failed to love as Christ loved. they had very stringent standards of dress, behavior, attitudes, and opinions that could not be defied or even questioned without some kind of reproach. (in contrast, most of the teachers i had were wonderful examples of Christ's love, and i am truly thankful for them.) before i go on, i will say that i don't mean to berate these individuals. we are all human, and i am just as capable of mistreating people as they are. i am merely using them as an example to explain my feelings about the church.

there are many examples stored in my memory that i could recount for you, but i don't think they're necessary in making my point. i will just say this: there were many situations in which individuals involved in the school (teachers and students) were in need of some compassion, but instead were attacked and scolded for what was seen as their "shortcomings". naturally, i became fairly angry and hurt about this mistreatment, and because i was young and immature, i allowed what began as "righteous anger" to turn into bitterness.

in the year that followed, painful situations escalated at school. in addition, my beloved piano teacher passed away prematurely from heart disease, my boyfriend at the time was deployed to kuwait for six months, my youth pastor and his wife moved away in order for him to continue his education, and several major disagreements errupted in my church. the combination of all these situations caused a flood of questions to flow through my mind. the most prominent of which was, "if this is how christians treat people, do i really want to be labeled as one?"

with the assistance of time and several loving mentors, i began to understand that the hurtful behavior of the individuals mentioned before was not christianity, the basis for which is love, grace, and acceptance. this realization didn't solve much for me. yes, it answered the question of what christianity is really all about, but it also induced another, perhaps bigger question: "how do we accomplish this?" this is a question that i still often ask myself. i think it's a question that we need to never stop asking. how do we love as Christ loved? how do we become, as my youth pastor so poignantly described it, "jesus with skin on"? obviously, there is no easy answer, but i think that at the core, we must stop focusing on ourselves. last week i drove through a little town outside of lancaster called conestoga, and noticed the sign in front of one of the churches on the main road. it said, "at the center of sin is i". i think we can all agree it's a bit cheezy, but i think the point is valuable. until christians stop focusing on ourselves, we will continue to hurt those around us and fail in our calling to love.

all this to say that today i was thinking about why i didn't want to go to church this morning. there are many reasons. some are purely personal that i just need to get over, and some are more, fundamental, if you will. i think the christian community has come to a crossroads. we are stagnant. something needs to change, but are we willing to do the work involved to bring about this change? last night mark and i went to provident bookstore. while browsing the "church" section, mark noticed that many of the books were about "the emerging church". we both stated our pleasure in knowing that there are other people out there who are willing to critique the church, but mark questioned whether this was a movement that would bring about real change, or if it was all just a bunch of rhetoric.

something needs to be changed, and i'm beginning to believe that the church, as it is, cannot be fixed. i think that, in a lot of ways, we need to completely abandon the way we do things now, and start over. i don't know how to accomplish this, but i hope and pray that God will enlighten us... and soon...

i don't have much to say, other than... this weekend was loads of fun... and here are some pictures from t.j. rockwell's...

in case you don't know, this is me, the kateness, and amber

and here's katie and laura

hope everyone is having a great week... love to all...

since it's almost time for my least favorite day of the year, i thought i'd share my favorite valentine's day card...(check out the website too... what's your favorite?)

can't. fall. asleep... must. stop. thinking...

forgive me... i have no time to post... and no exciting events to post about...




(happy, mark? )

it's the first day of my last semester! i cannot believe it. it seems like yesterday i was moving into the dorm! madness i tell you!

anyway... today was interesting. i was supposed to start working at the CDRE, but the building had to be closed because of hazmat contamination. so... i went grocery shopping instead. oh, how i love grocery shopping. it seems that i ALWAYS manage to go when it's raining. i really need to time these things better.

as always, i miss bloomsburg. i had such a great weekend, it was so hard to leave last night. on saturday, i went to carri and michelle's with shell and brandon. the 5 of us, along with tony (brandon's old roommate), played board games all night. for anyone who hasn't experienced michelle killian in board game mode, it is a sight to behold. she gets ridiculous. it seriously made my week... especially when she yelled out, "eat dirt, bird!" it was a great night. shell and brandon are the best (as we all know), and michelle and carri are just so much fun. tony is too... i just don't know him that well yet, and he spent most of the night trying to gross me out... which continued the next night at good old days. i can't really blame him though, it's very easy to get a reaction from me.

speaking of good old days... we hung out there on sunday night cause brandon's old roommates ran out of oil, so they didn't have heat in their house. there really are no words to describe good old days... you'd have to experience it for yourself. there's just something incredibly enjoyable about hanging out with your friends and watching drunk people sing karaoke.

and now i will leave you with this thought... "whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it's time to pause and reflect." -mark twain

love to all...

well, once again i'm wide awake at 1 in the morning. tonight i'm thinking about friends... in particular, some i haven't seen in quite some time. it's funny to think about how close we were at one point, and now we talk about once a year... if we're lucky. there's one friend who always seems to pop up just when i need someone to cheer me up. i miss that person the most tonight... and other nights too... and even some days. hopefully i'll get to see this person soon... possibly this summer.

which reminds me... nobody else wants to go to the grand canyon with me? we don't really have to do the grand canyon, but it would be fun to do a little camping/hiking trip. c'mon, guys... you know you want to!

wish me luck... i'm gonna go try to sleep now...

g'night, kids... much love...

i want to hike to the bottom of the grand canyon (and back up to the top, of course). who's with me?!?

blah.

tired of this phase.

only a few more months.

i hope.

in case you didn't know, i have the best friends in the world.

friday night i went out to see sar. we were supposed to go to a little shin dig with some of her friends, and have some holiday "spirits" if you will. sadly, i got sick (not because of the spirits, mind you. i didn't even get that far). so instead, i spent the night laying in her bed watching nick and nite and trying not to puke... again. meanwhile, the poor girl stayed home to take care of me. she's the sweetest thing. and apparently i look like a cabbage patch doll when i'm sleeping. i think that was teeb's revelation. haha... good times.

on saturday night shell and brandon came down to hang out with me. it was so great. i haven't gotten to spend a lot of time with shell lately, cause she's been super busy. so it was awesome to have her hang out last night. she is the biggest goofity goofs. and i lovies her upies! hehe brandon's pretty great too... but ya know, i see him all the time. seriously though, they're the greatest. i'm so thankful they're in my life.

so minus being sick, i had a pretty great weekend. i have awesome friends, a wonderful family, and an adorable dog. life is good...





on a much sadder note... today is the one year anniversary of my friend, dave's death. i don't really know what to say about him... he was just an amazing person. *miss ya, dave... can't wait to see ya again*

and this is why i love my roommate...

katie patatie: we're same sex parents of a cross dressing fish
katie patatie: what does that say about america?

so it's finals week already. this semester has gone so quickly (probably because i went home just about every weekend... and the one i didn't, my bestest buddy brandon came down to visit me). it's hard to believe that in less than 6 months i will be graduating from college. it seems like just yesterday i was moving into the dorm. it's funny to think how much has changed... how much i've changed...

over the past couple of days i've become almost sad that it will soon be over. i've been concentrating so much lately on the future (with grad. school and all that), that i haven't thought much about the present... and the fact that my college days will soon come to an end. it was a great experience. i've learned so much... mostly from sociology classes (as opposed to english classes... hence the change of major)... from friends, from myself. i'm anticipating learning and growing more as life goes on, but i hope i never forget what i've learned here.

ok, enough of the soul searching (haha)... i must get back to work. i'm so apathetic right now. all i want to do is sit around eating christmas cookies and reading. *sigh* 2 more days...

good luck on finals, kids... much love...

"sometimes i don't hate but i want to
blinded by the reason i found you
it's just a feeling i get when i'm around you
can you relate to what i'm going through?
how much farther will i get?
man, i feel like such a moving target
how many times will i slip before i find it?
until then i guess i'll just keep climbing"

-thousand foot krutch "stranger"

happy birthday, scotty potty!

today someone whined about my not updating my blog in a while. so here's an update:

i'm tired of school, and i would REALLY like it to be december 15th right now... even better... MAY 15th!


on another note... i miss my buddies (and ma and pops and mags).



and now i have exceeded my mental capacity for the evening, so i'm going out to the livingroom to be a bum.

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

It is well, with my soul...

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.

It is well, with my soul...

My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!

i had another wonderful weekend in good old bloomsburg (well, for the most part anyway...). on thursday night i hung out with ceej and greg and watched them make apple dumplings. i was supposed to help, but well... i didn't cause i'm bum. then friday ma and i went up to marywood to visit the campus and get some information on grad. school and all that stuff. it went well. i really think i'll like the program, and the campus is really beautiful. the numerous statues of mary reminded me of the time we all went up to see one of jay's soccer games. that was a good time...

anyway... then on friday night i hung out with brandon and his buds. they are such a good time. i had a blast! i had a rough week (which continued that night for reasons i won't get into), so it was just great to kick back and laugh with them. i wish shell could've hung out with us, but she has a big test today that she had to study for. *good luck, buddy*

saturday i pretty much just stayed around the house... did a little homework... slept for a while... bummed around in general. then brandon and i went to the susquehanna valley mall before greg's hockey game. he did a little shopping, then we went to garfield's for an appetizer and dessert, and then went and met ceej at the hockey game. as we were driving to the rink, brandon missed the turn into the parking lot. so i said, "i dare you to drive through the grass". he did. and then realized there was a curb, and instead of stopping and backing up, he just went right over it. it was hilarious. i thought i was going to pee my pants! the night was a lot of fun... brought back a lot of memories...

on sunday i went to church, did a little shopping with ma, took a nap, then went to church to talk to the youth group. it was fun. i hope i get to do it again. when i got home i told ma we should get a movie. so we went down and got charlie and the chocolate factory. it was SOOOO good! we both laughed so hard. it was great.

and now i'm back in good old lancaster county (boo!). the next few weeks are probably going to be a blur, which is good and bad. i'm going to be so busy, i'm going to go out of my mind, but it will also make the time go faster... and that's a very good thing right now.

hope everyone has a great week... love to all...

i had such a great weekend. it's so good to come home and spend time with people who really understand and care about me. i've been so blessed with wonderful parents (and an equally but differently wonderful dog... haha) and friends.

friday night i just kinda relaxed and hung out with my parents. it's funny to think that, at one point in my life, i thought they were the biggest dorks. now they're two of my best friends...

saturday night brandon and i went cruising through bloomsburg like the cool kids we are. haha... it was so great. we listened to dumb music and did a little car dancing. then we went to visit his friends, carrie and michelle, who are loads of fun. after that we came back to my house and sat on the couch talking (for about 4 hours) about everything from the war on terror to relationships and just about everything in between. i honestly think that if i had a brother, he would be just like brandon. growing up i always wanted a big brother that would look out for me. i couldn't have a "real" older brother, so God gave me brandon. so beyond getting the sisters that i never thought i'd have, i got a brother too (when one of them fell in love with the crazy kid ). i'm a very lucky girl.

today i went to church, which is always good. i got to talk to miss joan for a little while. she's so encouraging. then ma and i went out to penn state lehman for the craft show and met my aunt annie, aunt susie, uncle tony, and my cousin kelly. the family thing overall is still pretty dismal, but there are good things too. i've gotten a lot closer to some of my aunts, uncles, and cousins, and i'm happy about that. gotta focus on the positive...

on that note, i'm off to bed. g'night kids... much love...

i really have no words for this... but i had to share anyway...

mark: s;s;s;s;s;s;s;s;s;s;s;s;s;s;s;s;s
BuTtErFlYcHiK84: ?
mark: it was fun
BuTtErFlYcHiK84: what was it?
mark: try two letters
BuTtErFlYcHiK84: hahahaha
BuTtErFlYcHiK84: you are the biggest dork
mark: cncncncncncncncncncn
BuTtErFlYcHiK84: oh my soul
mark: it can look cool if you pick the right letters
BuTtErFlYcHiK84: more evidence that you were called to be a youth leader
mark: cpcpcpcpcpcpcpcpcpcpcpcpcpcpcpcp

so it's been a while...

all i really have to say is, thank heaven for good friends and the knowledge that no matter what, i'm gonna be ok...


so many questions... so few answers...


someday it will all be clear...

Psalm 20

1GOD answer you on the day you crash,
The name God--of-Jacob put you out of harm's reach,
2Send reinforcements from Holy Hill,
Dispatch from Zion fresh supplies,
3Exclaim over your offerings,
Celebrate your sacrifices,
4Give you what your heart desires,
Accomplish your plans.

5When you win, we plan to raise the roof
and lead the parade with our banners.
May all your wishes come true!

6That clinches it--help's coming,
an answer's on the way,
everything's going to work out.

7See those people polishing their chariots,
and those others grooming their horses?
But we're making garlands for GOD our God.
8The chariots will rust,
those horses pull up lame--
and we'll be on our feet, standing tall.

9Make the king a winner, GOD;
the day we call, give us your answer.

i have the best friends ever...

Bslong034: you and i
Bslong034: i think were bro and sister in heaven before God sent us down



i'm so blessed...

Psalm 31

14Desperate, I throw myself on you:
you are my God!
15Hour by hour I place my days in your hand,
safe from the hands out to get me.
16Warm me, your servant, with a smile;
save me because you love me.
17Don't embarrass me by not showing up;
I've given you plenty of notice.
Embarrass the wicked, stand them up,
leave them stupidly shaking their heads
as they drift down to hell.
18Gag those loudmouthed liars
who heckle me, your follower,
with jeers and catcalls.

19What a stack of blessing you have piled up
for those who worship you,
Ready and waiting for all who run to you
to escape an unkind world.
20You hide them safely away
from the opposition.
As you slam the door on those oily, mocking faces,
you silence the poisonous gossip.
21Blessed GOD!
His love is the wonder of the world.
Trapped by a siege, 22I panicked.
"Out of sight, out of mind," I said.
But you heard me say it,
you heard and listened.

23Love GOD, all you saints;
GOD takes care of all who stay close to him,
But he pays back in full
those arrogant enough to go it alone.

24Be brave. Be strong. Don't give up.
Expect GOD to get here soon.

On Purpose

When a cowboy applied for an insurance policy, the agent asked, "Have you ever had any accidents?" After a moment's reflection, the applicant responded, "Nope, but a bronc did kick in two of my ribs last summer, and a couple of years ago a rattlesnake bit me on the ankle."

"Wouldn't you call those accidents?" replied the puzzled agent. "Naw," the cowboy said, "they did it on purpose!"

That story reminds me of the biblical truth that there are no accidents in the lives of God's children. In today's Scripture (Gen. 50: 15-21), we read how Joseph interpreted a difficult experience that had seemed like a great calamity. He had been thrown into a pit and then sold as a slave. This was a great test of his faith, and from the human standpoint it appeared to be a tragic case of injustice, not a providential means of blessing. But Joseph later learned that "God meant it for good" (Gen. 50:20).

Are you passing through the deep waters of a trial and disappointment? Does everything seem to be going against you? These apparent misfortunes are not accidents. The Lord allows such things for a blessed purpose. So patiently trust Him. If you know the Lord, someday you will praise Him for it all!

-Richard DeHann

* from Our Daily Bread

Psalm 25

To you, O LORD, I lift up my soul;
2 in you I trust, O my God. Do not let me be put to shame, nor let my enemies triumph over me.
3 No one whose hope is in you will ever be put to shame, but they will be put to shame who are treacherous without excuse.
4 Show me your ways, O LORD, teach me your paths;
5 guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long.
6 Remember, O LORD, your great mercy and love, for they are from of old.
7 Remember not the sins of my youth and my rebellious ways; according to your love remember me, for you are good, O LORD.
8 Good and upright is the LORD; therefore he instructs sinners in his ways.
9 He guides the humble in what is right and teaches them his way.
10 All the ways of the LORD are loving and faithful for those who keep the demands of his covenant.
11 For the sake of your name, O LORD, forgive my iniquity, though it is great.
12 Who, then, is the man that fears the LORD ? He will instruct him in the way chosen for him.
13 He will spend his days in prosperity, and his descendants will inherit the land.
14 The LORD confides in those who fear him; he makes his covenant known to them.
15 My eyes are ever on the LORD, for only he will release my feet from the snare.
16 Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted.
17 The troubles of my heart have multiplied; free me from my anguish.
18 Look upon my affliction and my distress and take away all my sins.
19 See how my enemies have increased and how fiercely they hate me!
20 Guard my life and rescue me; let me not be put to shame, for I take refuge in you.
21 May integrity and uprightness protect me, because my hope is in you.
22 Redeem Israel, O God, from all their troubles!

i have never felt more stupid in all my life.


i don't know how to fix it...

i am the biggest dork.

so it's after midnight, and i'm trying to go to sleep cause i have a class at 8 tomorrow morning. but i can't sleep. why you ask? cause i can't stop thinking about the silly bloomsburg fair. i'm so stinking excited to go home this weekend and eat all the wonderful fair food. mmmmmm...

there's just something about the fair. granted, it's exactly the same from year to year, but somehow it never gets old. maybe that's what makes it special... it's just like bloomsburg... always the same... there aren't too many things in this world that are unchanging, but the bloomsburg fair (as well as bloomsburg in general) comes pretty close. i have such great memories of the fair from the time i was really little to even last year. i remember my parents taking me to see all the animals when i was really young, and i remember my grandmother coming with us one year, and of course there are all the times i went in high school. i can't believe we used to go every day. oh man, we were such nerds. hopefully i'll create equally wonderful memories this year...

g'night kids... much love...

I HATE THIS BLASTED APARTMENT!!!!!!!

i cannot wait to move out... only 8 more months...





(i don't have the energy to explain... if you're that curious, read katie's blog)

hehe... sorry boys... it was just too funny not to share.

i feel that i must share with you some pictures from this weekend, cause, well... they're just too darn cute not to share!

the prize for the quotation of the day goes to mark :

mark: I'm telling you, you're a drug


thanks... i think...

how funny is this picture!?! it's from when we went to hershey for halloween 2 years ago. i have no idea what i was looking at that made me look so horrified. haha... good times, good times.

well, my first day of classes went pretty well. i think i'm really going to like the two i had today. i really cannot understand why i thought i wanted to be an editor. i LOVE sociology classes. it makes so much more sense for me to go into social work than to become an editor. sometimes i think someone else should make decisions for me.

speaking of decisions, i was just on the phone talking to my mother about graduate schools. last fall i started looking at the university of maryland and marywood. for a while i was thinking about applying to temple, boston college, and boston university as well, but i've ruled them out on the basis of not wanting to take GRE's or living eight hours (or something) away from bloomsburg. so it looks like i'll just be applying to marywood and maryland. i hate decisions though. i can see myself getting really stressed out about this one. there's just so much to consider, and so little information to go on at this point. i'm so impatient... and i just hate not knowing what i'm doing next. i like to have a plan. i know it will all work out eventually, and i'll wonder why i was so stressed out about it, but right now i'm a little worried. maybe i'll just try eeny meeny miney moe. sound good?

on a rather different note... the kateness is coming home with me this weekend!!!!! i'm so excited. hopefully i'll be able to get some of my buds together on saturday night to take her out to all the happenin' places in bloomsburg. hehe i'm sure it will be like nothing she's ever experienced before.

and now i must go to bed, cause i'm way tired. g'night, kids... much love...

AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


(for various reasons... you'd just have to be in my head)

oh... i just LOVE it when i can't fall asleep.


stupid brain...

mark has this song on his xanga... and well, i felt the need to steal this part of it and post it here. it's just been that kind of week...


and i can't understand, all that you allow
i just can't see the reason
but my life is in your hands and though i cannot see you
i choose to trust you


*hugs* for mark... and others who may have had a rough week...

i've decided that this living alone stuff has got to end. i'm about to lose my mind!!!


luckily, i only have a few more days...

i miss my bloomsburg buddies like whoa!

this weekend was another great one... saturday ma and i made a big dinner for all my buds (well... not all... some weren't able to come... and they were missed ) it was spectacular. my mother can COOK! it was seriously the best eggplant parmesan i have ever eaten. it's really too bad that i didn't inherit any of the cooking genes. anyway, i had a great time with everybody. i know i say it a lot, but i really love those guys. the greatest thing about the time we spend together is that we don't do anything. haha... we just sit around being goofy and having a blast.

then yesterday the parents and i went to eagle's mere to the arts and crafts festival. we walked up to the booth where you pay to get in and as my father was paying the woman, she asked, "is she 16?" um... yeah... i'm 21. i LOVE that she thought i was under 16. i suppose that will be a good thing in about 30 years, but right now it's kinda frustrating. eh well... we had a good laugh.

we came home, ate, and i did a little homework and then started to get my stuff together in order to leave. as i was doing this, my mother was watching the PGA tournament to see if she could spot jay in the crowd (she was convinced that she'd be able to see him amongst the throngs of people), and as she was watching, a severe weather alert came across the screen. the weather service was calling for severe thunderstorms all across the state, so long story short, i stayed in bloomsburg last night and got up at 6:30 this morning to drive back here to go to class at 10:15. i am beat. i laid around all afternoon and slept for over and hour or so, and i'm still tired. it was nice to get to stay an extra night though. we all (including the mags) sat on the porch for a while... then daddy went to bed cause he has to get up at an hour that doesn't even exist to me... so then ma and i sat out there and chatted about life. i'm so blessed to have the parents i have. not many people can say that their parents are their best friends. i'm glad i can.

speaking of best friends... sarah's family moved to new jersey today. that is so very weird to me. it's hard to believe she won't be living in that house anymore. i'm sure it's weird to her as well. but i hope she knows she is always welcomed to crash at my house if she's feeling homesick or just wants a homecooked meal. my parents would absolutely love it. change is hard... but as miss joan always says, it's the only thing that's constant.

and now i'm off to work on statistics. this is my last week (i hope)... my final is on thursday, so if you need me before then, i'll probably be in the livingroom studying til my eyes begin to bleed. (sorry katie)

love to all...

"You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."
-Jeremiah 29:13

what a great weekend...

last night i got to hang out with my best buds in bloomsburg. it was absolutely wonderful. i forgot how much i love being with all of them. first shell, brandon, jay and i hung out at brandon's grandmother's pool for a little while. then cj, greg and lindsay met us back at my house, and we just sat around talking all night. shell, brandon, and jay stayed til about 2 in the morning. it has been a really long time since shell has hung out that late. i was trying to remember the last time... i think it was 3 years ago, right after her birthday, when the four of us sat on my front porch talkin' til 2am. i have some great memories with those guys. i'm so thankful that they're all a part of my life. it was just so reviving to be with them last night. i really needed that. and it really meant a lot to me for shell to stay out so late, cause she doesn't often do that. i feel special.

i have this quote in my profile that says, "when i find myself fading, i close my eyes and realize my friends are my energy". that couldn't be more true for me. those guys really are my energy. i miss them so much when i'm not home. i'm just able to be more of myself when i'm with them, and that's such a great feeling.

so thank you guys for an incredible night... you mean the world to me... love ya bunches...

It is customary to blame secular science and anti-religious philosophy for the eclipse of religion in modern society. It would be more honest to blame religion for its own defeats. Religion declined not because it was refuted, but because it became irrelevant, dull, oppressive, insipid. When faith is completely replaced by creed, worship by discipline, love by habit; when the crisis of today is ignored because of the splendor of the past; when faith becomes an heirloom rather than a living fountain; when religion speaks only in the name of authority rather than with the voice of compassion - its message becomes meaningless.
-Abraham Joshua Heschel




(side note: mark sent this to me, just so everyone knows and he doesn't start whining again)

happy birthday, sar!!!

I DON'T WANNA BE IN COLLEGE ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!