i've been finding myself longing for new things lately, namely a new home. sometimes i even begin to feel sorry for myself that money is tight and we haven't been able to buy a house yet, but today i talked to a 14 year old girl who doesn't eat breakfast in the morning because there simply isn't enough food at her house. from outward appearances, one would never guess that she and her younger sister sometimes go hungry. she looks like a typical 14 year old. the difference with her and others is that her father is disabled, and the food stamps that the family receives every month because of his disability simply don't provide enough food for the family.
as she told her story, i began to feel incredibly embarrassed. i've always had a kitchen full of food (even though i sometimes open the pantry and and report to matt that "there's no food in this house"), a warm place to live, and more importantly, wonderful people to share these blessings with, but i often take these blessings for granted. i should spend my time being overwhelmingly thankful for what i have, and not even give thought to what i don't have.
on that note, i couldn't be more thankful for God's patience with me...
Monday, February 21, 2011
just found this post i wrote a couple years ago... thought it was fitting for how i'm feeling tonight.
T-R-U-S-T
this word has come up a lot lately. actually, it has come up a lot throughout my life, and yet i am no closer to mastering the concept now than i was years ago.
trust has never come naturally to me, as i'm sure it probably doesn't to many people, but in looking back on my life i can see that my ability to trust has diminished as time has passed. at first glance, this might seem like a natural chain of events... the more a person is disappointed by others, the less able he or she will be to trust. it is true that i've been disappointed and hurt by some people in my life, so perhaps it's logical for me to not trust those individuals anymore. however, it isn't logical for me to mistrust other people who have never given me a reason to believe that they're not trustworthy. what's even more illogical is for me to mistrust God. he has never given me a reason not to trust him, but has given me every reason to trust him. not only did he die on a cross so that i could spend eternity with him (pretty sure if someone does that, he's trustworthy), but he's protected me from a great deal of pain... even though i chose to get myself into painful situations. the thing is, no matter how stupid i am, no matter how incredibly poor the choices i make are, God wants to give me good things. this is a concept that i can't seem to grasp, probably because it seems totally illogical. why would God want to give someone like me--someone who is selfish, impatient, untrusting (etc, etc)-- good things?!? in wordly terms that doesn't make sense. but that's the beauty of who God is. he's not of this world, and therefore does things differently. in this world, we get rewarded when we perform well. but God desires to bless us even though we continually screw up. yes, you read that correctly... he desires to bless us. he wants us to experience all that he has for us (ie., what's best for us). so why is it so difficult to trust him? probably because sometimes what's best for us happens in a painful manner. sometimes in order to learn, God allows us to be hurt, and sometimes we get hurt just because this world isn't perfect. there's risk involved with trust. but another beautiful thing about God is that he knows what that risk is like. when Jesus was on this earth, he experienced that risk. he knows exactly how it feels.
the creator of the universe knows exactly how i feel at this very moment...
what an incredible thought.
T-R-U-S-T
this word has come up a lot lately. actually, it has come up a lot throughout my life, and yet i am no closer to mastering the concept now than i was years ago.
trust has never come naturally to me, as i'm sure it probably doesn't to many people, but in looking back on my life i can see that my ability to trust has diminished as time has passed. at first glance, this might seem like a natural chain of events... the more a person is disappointed by others, the less able he or she will be to trust. it is true that i've been disappointed and hurt by some people in my life, so perhaps it's logical for me to not trust those individuals anymore. however, it isn't logical for me to mistrust other people who have never given me a reason to believe that they're not trustworthy. what's even more illogical is for me to mistrust God. he has never given me a reason not to trust him, but has given me every reason to trust him. not only did he die on a cross so that i could spend eternity with him (pretty sure if someone does that, he's trustworthy), but he's protected me from a great deal of pain... even though i chose to get myself into painful situations. the thing is, no matter how stupid i am, no matter how incredibly poor the choices i make are, God wants to give me good things. this is a concept that i can't seem to grasp, probably because it seems totally illogical. why would God want to give someone like me--someone who is selfish, impatient, untrusting (etc, etc)-- good things?!? in wordly terms that doesn't make sense. but that's the beauty of who God is. he's not of this world, and therefore does things differently. in this world, we get rewarded when we perform well. but God desires to bless us even though we continually screw up. yes, you read that correctly... he desires to bless us. he wants us to experience all that he has for us (ie., what's best for us). so why is it so difficult to trust him? probably because sometimes what's best for us happens in a painful manner. sometimes in order to learn, God allows us to be hurt, and sometimes we get hurt just because this world isn't perfect. there's risk involved with trust. but another beautiful thing about God is that he knows what that risk is like. when Jesus was on this earth, he experienced that risk. he knows exactly how it feels.
the creator of the universe knows exactly how i feel at this very moment...
what an incredible thought.
Wednesday, August 04, 2010
so apparently i meet a guy, and quit writing. on that note, i'm getting married in about four weeks, and that has me thinking about many things... mostly how immensely blessed i am. matt is more than i've ever dreamed of in a husband. he is kind, funny, compassionate, loyal, generous... the list could go on and on, but i think you get the idea. i've also been blessed with some amazing friends who have become, or are becoming like family to matt and i. some of these friends are part of our life group at LCBC, which is another blessing (if you live in lancaster county, and haven't found a church, be sure to check it out). being part of LCBC, and especially part of a life group, has really gotten me thinking about what it means to live in community. i've realized that i have this desire deep within to be part of something bigger, to live life in connection with the people God has placed in my life. i've realized that i've been neglecting this desire for a while because i've been busy with work or some other thing that comes up, but i'm determined to make this a priority in my life once again. God created us to live in community, and i intend to do so. this shouldn't be too hard... i have some great people to do life with... <3
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Friday, January 04, 2008
i have no words tonight, but this song adequately mirrors my thoughts for the moment...
I've been putting on and putting off too many people
And I'm getting old to live
like an injured man, ailments and unfilled prescriptions,
like the nose on my face
Like a broken boat, a safety raft, and a love for the water
Well I just can't decide
To sink or swim, it's me or them,
Should I save myself
or go back for the others
Because maybe there's no gray and I was wrong to tell 'em so
And then maybe all that I've to do was done a long time ago
Because there was life before my life
There was provision before my need
There was redemption before my sin
For the sake of the world I thank the Lord
That the truth's not contingent on me
Because I've been dressing up and dressing down for too many people
And I'm a little young to live
Like a troubled boy, a troubled soul, a fish out of water
Because we're all just the same
We're all just as good, and just as bad, and just as distracted
By the corners of our eyes
As our fathers were, and theirs before and all those before them,
And still I glance around
And with the way I stare you'd think I'd seen through a two-by-four
And with the way I walk you'd think I'd never seen grace before
Because there was life before my life
There was provision before my need
There was redemption before my sin
For the sake of the world I thank the Lord
That the truth's not contingent on me
But I've been putting up, putting down too many things
That I know nothing about,
but I'm jealous of, holding pride as tight as I can
like she was my only daughter
Because there was life before my life
There was provision before my need
There was redemption before my sin
For the sake of the world I thank the Lord
That the truth's not contingent on me
'Cause the truth's not contingent on me.
-Caedmon's Call "The Truth"
I've been putting on and putting off too many people
And I'm getting old to live
like an injured man, ailments and unfilled prescriptions,
like the nose on my face
Like a broken boat, a safety raft, and a love for the water
Well I just can't decide
To sink or swim, it's me or them,
Should I save myself
or go back for the others
Because maybe there's no gray and I was wrong to tell 'em so
And then maybe all that I've to do was done a long time ago
Because there was life before my life
There was provision before my need
There was redemption before my sin
For the sake of the world I thank the Lord
That the truth's not contingent on me
Because I've been dressing up and dressing down for too many people
And I'm a little young to live
Like a troubled boy, a troubled soul, a fish out of water
Because we're all just the same
We're all just as good, and just as bad, and just as distracted
By the corners of our eyes
As our fathers were, and theirs before and all those before them,
And still I glance around
And with the way I stare you'd think I'd seen through a two-by-four
And with the way I walk you'd think I'd never seen grace before
Because there was life before my life
There was provision before my need
There was redemption before my sin
For the sake of the world I thank the Lord
That the truth's not contingent on me
But I've been putting up, putting down too many things
That I know nothing about,
but I'm jealous of, holding pride as tight as I can
like she was my only daughter
Because there was life before my life
There was provision before my need
There was redemption before my sin
For the sake of the world I thank the Lord
That the truth's not contingent on me
'Cause the truth's not contingent on me.
-Caedmon's Call "The Truth"
Sunday, December 30, 2007
the past few weeks have been trying, for many reasons... of which i won't bore you now. but today i've begun to feel hopeful. it was a day of pleasant surprises... a smile at church... the laughter of friendship... the quiet that only snow brings. i have very many reasons to be thankful, and just as many reasons to be hopeful. life is uncertain, and that's what makes it beautiful.
love to all...
love to all...
Monday, November 12, 2007
Monday, November 05, 2007
more from The Relentless Tenderness of Jesus...
"From our brother Jesus, who alone knows the Father, we learn that there is welcoming love, unconditional acceptance, a relentless and eternal affection that so far exceeds our human experience that even the passion and death of Jesus are only a hint of it. Think about that for a moment: the torn, broken, lacerated, spit-covered, blood-drenched body of Jesus is only a hint of the Father's love. The very substance of our faith is the unwavering confidence that beyond this hint lies love beyond measure."
"From our brother Jesus, who alone knows the Father, we learn that there is welcoming love, unconditional acceptance, a relentless and eternal affection that so far exceeds our human experience that even the passion and death of Jesus are only a hint of it. Think about that for a moment: the torn, broken, lacerated, spit-covered, blood-drenched body of Jesus is only a hint of the Father's love. The very substance of our faith is the unwavering confidence that beyond this hint lies love beyond measure."
Sunday, October 28, 2007
i'm reading this wonderful book called The Relentless Tenderness of Jesus, by Brennan Manning. in the chapter i just finished, mr. manning was talking about being abandoned to God's will, and thanking Him for everything... even the most difficult things in life. he says that in doing this, we'll hear God say something like this:
"My child, fan the flame of your confidence in Me. Keep it burning. I want you to be happy, to come back again and again to this feeling of trust until you are never without it. Trust is an aspect of love. If you love Me and believe in My love for you, you will surrender your whole self into My hands like a little child who doesn't even ask, 'Where are you taking me?' but sets off joyously, hand in hand with his mother. How many blessings this happy confidence wins for you, My little one.
Keep going blindly. Take delight in knowing nothing about the future. I know how to lead the blind by the best paths. And when this blind person knows that he is My son, she is My daughter, won't they be glad of their infirmity; since it has power over My heart? In all this see My tenderness. It is everlasting."
how beautiful...
"My child, fan the flame of your confidence in Me. Keep it burning. I want you to be happy, to come back again and again to this feeling of trust until you are never without it. Trust is an aspect of love. If you love Me and believe in My love for you, you will surrender your whole self into My hands like a little child who doesn't even ask, 'Where are you taking me?' but sets off joyously, hand in hand with his mother. How many blessings this happy confidence wins for you, My little one.
Keep going blindly. Take delight in knowing nothing about the future. I know how to lead the blind by the best paths. And when this blind person knows that he is My son, she is My daughter, won't they be glad of their infirmity; since it has power over My heart? In all this see My tenderness. It is everlasting."
how beautiful...
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
a little something from the daily bread...
"He looks on us and sees the voids and imperfections in our lives, yet lovingly and patiently does His work in us to make us His masterpiece-- a masterpiece that 'conforms to the image of His Son' (Romans 8:29).
What a joy it is to have such a God, who makes us new and never tires of investing His energy and effort into our lives!" -Bill Crowder
love to all...
"He looks on us and sees the voids and imperfections in our lives, yet lovingly and patiently does His work in us to make us His masterpiece-- a masterpiece that 'conforms to the image of His Son' (Romans 8:29).
What a joy it is to have such a God, who makes us new and never tires of investing His energy and effort into our lives!" -Bill Crowder
love to all...
Friday, September 07, 2007
Trust God from the bottom of your heart;
don't try to figure out everything on your own.
Listen for God's voice in everything you do, everywhere you go;
he's the one who will keep you on track.
Don't assume that you know it all.
Run to God! Run from evil!
Your body will glow with health,
your very bones will vibrate with life!
Honor God with everything you own;
give him the first and the best.
Your barns will burst,
your wine vats will brim over.
-Proverbs 3:5-10 (The Message)
don't try to figure out everything on your own.
Listen for God's voice in everything you do, everywhere you go;
he's the one who will keep you on track.
Don't assume that you know it all.
Run to God! Run from evil!
Your body will glow with health,
your very bones will vibrate with life!
Honor God with everything you own;
give him the first and the best.
Your barns will burst,
your wine vats will brim over.
-Proverbs 3:5-10 (The Message)
Wednesday, September 05, 2007
i spent much of today in silence, or at least as close to silence as possible. right now all i can hear is my upstairs neighbor's dryer ( i assume) and the friendly crickets outside.
there's quite a bit going on in my life right now, and this morning i just felt God tell me that i needed to be still and listen for Him. i get so distracted by the "noise" of every day life that sometimes i can't even hear myself think, let alone hear God speak. so today instead of filling the emptiness of my apartment with music or tv, i decided to let God fill it with whatever He wanted me to hear from Him. i have to tell you that i heard a lot. nothing is resolved, but i'm at peace (for the most part, anyway. i'd be lying if i told you that there weren't moments today when i felt the need to escape my own skin). as frustrating as everything that's going on is, i think it's good. i think it's really good...
"be still and know that I am God..." (psalm 46:10)
"for the Lord God is our sun and our shield.
He gives us grace and glory.
the Lord will withhold no good thing
from those who do what is right." (psalm 84:11)
"'for I know the plans I have for you,' says the Lord. 'they are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope." (jeremiah 29:11)
love to all...
there's quite a bit going on in my life right now, and this morning i just felt God tell me that i needed to be still and listen for Him. i get so distracted by the "noise" of every day life that sometimes i can't even hear myself think, let alone hear God speak. so today instead of filling the emptiness of my apartment with music or tv, i decided to let God fill it with whatever He wanted me to hear from Him. i have to tell you that i heard a lot. nothing is resolved, but i'm at peace (for the most part, anyway. i'd be lying if i told you that there weren't moments today when i felt the need to escape my own skin). as frustrating as everything that's going on is, i think it's good. i think it's really good...
"be still and know that I am God..." (psalm 46:10)
"for the Lord God is our sun and our shield.
He gives us grace and glory.
the Lord will withhold no good thing
from those who do what is right." (psalm 84:11)
"'for I know the plans I have for you,' says the Lord. 'they are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope." (jeremiah 29:11)
and finally...
love to all...
Tuesday, September 04, 2007
the plight of the only child...
sometimes i get a little bummed out that i don't have siblings. i feel like i'm missing out on things that people who have siblings get, like intimate relationships that are life-long, and (for the most part) unconditional. but i was reminded this weekend that God has blessed me with "siblings". i may not have grown up in the same household as they did, but we have intimate, life-long, unconditional relationships. these friends have been there for me through thick and thin (even at times when we didn't really like each other). not many people are blessed with friends who will stay up late (not to mention get out of bed) when they've had a bad night and just need a hug (and perhaps a huge piece of chocolate cake). i have those kinds of friends.
i am so blessed...
sometimes i get a little bummed out that i don't have siblings. i feel like i'm missing out on things that people who have siblings get, like intimate relationships that are life-long, and (for the most part) unconditional. but i was reminded this weekend that God has blessed me with "siblings". i may not have grown up in the same household as they did, but we have intimate, life-long, unconditional relationships. these friends have been there for me through thick and thin (even at times when we didn't really like each other). not many people are blessed with friends who will stay up late (not to mention get out of bed) when they've had a bad night and just need a hug (and perhaps a huge piece of chocolate cake). i have those kinds of friends.
i am so blessed...
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
"To say that 'prayer changes things' is not as close to the truth as saying, 'Prayer changes me and then I change things'. God has established things so that prayer, on the basis of redemption, changes the way a person looks at things. Prayer is not a matter of changing things externally, but one of working miracles in a person's inner nature."
-Oswald Chambers
-Oswald Chambers
Thursday, August 02, 2007
a little excerpt from provocative faith...
"Ultimately, we experience lifestyle joy when we become content with who Jesus is. Jesus said, 'I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one can come to the Father except through me' (John 14:6 NLT). Making peace with this statement is a process. Some days I wake up and am completely fine with Jesus being the 'way' or the 'truth' for me. But then there are times when I'm not okay with his way or truth; I want it to be my way or I want to find my own truth. But my rules and my idols and my belief systems only get in the way of Jesus reigning supreme in my life. Joy comes not when we put Jesus first, but when we realize that he's always been first and demands nothing less. We must get ourselves out of the way in order for his purpose of making us like him to transpire.
We will never find our joy in circumstance. We will never find our joy in the 'quickies' culture so often offers. Joy comes to us when we faithfully pursue knowing Jesus more intimately. As you begin to know him more deeply and more passionately, you will see your life becoming more peaceful, more content. You won't be 'happy all the time', but your joy will be a lifestyle and not just a passing feeling."
good stuff, mr. turner, good stuff.
"Ultimately, we experience lifestyle joy when we become content with who Jesus is. Jesus said, 'I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one can come to the Father except through me' (John 14:6 NLT). Making peace with this statement is a process. Some days I wake up and am completely fine with Jesus being the 'way' or the 'truth' for me. But then there are times when I'm not okay with his way or truth; I want it to be my way or I want to find my own truth. But my rules and my idols and my belief systems only get in the way of Jesus reigning supreme in my life. Joy comes not when we put Jesus first, but when we realize that he's always been first and demands nothing less. We must get ourselves out of the way in order for his purpose of making us like him to transpire.
We will never find our joy in circumstance. We will never find our joy in the 'quickies' culture so often offers. Joy comes to us when we faithfully pursue knowing Jesus more intimately. As you begin to know him more deeply and more passionately, you will see your life becoming more peaceful, more content. You won't be 'happy all the time', but your joy will be a lifestyle and not just a passing feeling."
good stuff, mr. turner, good stuff.
Monday, July 16, 2007
T-R-U-S-T
this word has come up a lot lately. actually, it has come up a lot throughout my life, and yet i am no closer to mastering the concept now than i was years ago.
trust has never come naturally to me, as i'm sure it probably doesn't to many people, but in looking back on my life i can see that my ability to trust has diminished as time has passed. at first glance, this might seem like a natural chain of events... the more a person is disappointed by others, the less able he or she will be to trust. it is true that i've been disappointed and hurt by some people in my life, so perhaps it's logical for me to not trust those individuals anymore. however, it isn't logical for me to mistrust other people who have never given me a reason to believe that they're not trustworthy. what's even more illogical is for me to mistrust God. he has never given me a reason not to trust him, but has given me every reason to trust him. not only did he die on a cross so that i could spend eternity with him (pretty sure if someone does that, he's trustworthy), but he's protected me from a great deal of pain... even though i chose to get myself into painful situations. the thing is, no matter how stupid i am, no matter how incredibly poor the choices i make are, God wants to give me good things. this is a concept that i can't seem to grasp, probably because it seems totally illogical. why would God want to give someone like me--someone who is selfish, impatient, untrusting (etc, etc)-- good things?!? in wordly terms that doesn't make sense. but that's the beauty of who God is. he's not of this world, and therefore does things differently. in this world, we get rewarded when we perform well. but God desires to bless us even though we continually screw up. yes, you read that correctly... he desires to bless us. he wants us to experience all that he has for us (ie., what's best for us). so why is it so difficult to trust him? probably because sometimes what's best for us happens in a painful manner. sometimes in order to learn, God allows us to be hurt, and sometimes we get hurt just because this world isn't perfect. there's risk involved with trust. but another beautiful thing about God is that he knows what that risk is like. when Jesus was on this earth, he experienced that risk. he knows exactly how it feels.
the creator of the universe knows exactly how i feel at this very moment...
what an incredible thought.
love to all...
this word has come up a lot lately. actually, it has come up a lot throughout my life, and yet i am no closer to mastering the concept now than i was years ago.
trust has never come naturally to me, as i'm sure it probably doesn't to many people, but in looking back on my life i can see that my ability to trust has diminished as time has passed. at first glance, this might seem like a natural chain of events... the more a person is disappointed by others, the less able he or she will be to trust. it is true that i've been disappointed and hurt by some people in my life, so perhaps it's logical for me to not trust those individuals anymore. however, it isn't logical for me to mistrust other people who have never given me a reason to believe that they're not trustworthy. what's even more illogical is for me to mistrust God. he has never given me a reason not to trust him, but has given me every reason to trust him. not only did he die on a cross so that i could spend eternity with him (pretty sure if someone does that, he's trustworthy), but he's protected me from a great deal of pain... even though i chose to get myself into painful situations. the thing is, no matter how stupid i am, no matter how incredibly poor the choices i make are, God wants to give me good things. this is a concept that i can't seem to grasp, probably because it seems totally illogical. why would God want to give someone like me--someone who is selfish, impatient, untrusting (etc, etc)-- good things?!? in wordly terms that doesn't make sense. but that's the beauty of who God is. he's not of this world, and therefore does things differently. in this world, we get rewarded when we perform well. but God desires to bless us even though we continually screw up. yes, you read that correctly... he desires to bless us. he wants us to experience all that he has for us (ie., what's best for us). so why is it so difficult to trust him? probably because sometimes what's best for us happens in a painful manner. sometimes in order to learn, God allows us to be hurt, and sometimes we get hurt just because this world isn't perfect. there's risk involved with trust. but another beautiful thing about God is that he knows what that risk is like. when Jesus was on this earth, he experienced that risk. he knows exactly how it feels.
the creator of the universe knows exactly how i feel at this very moment...
what an incredible thought.
love to all...
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