i had a lovely surprise last night. jay came down to lancaster to go to a baseball game and i got to go with him. we had a great time. i even won a dozen roses.

i have great friends... life is good...

*sigh*... can't wait to get home this weekend...

happy birthday, markus carkus!

i officially quit my job at gadzooks tonight. it was awesome. i'm so relieved that i will only be working there a few more days. tonight my manager stood in the doorway of the store talking to a friend and her boyfriend from 5:30 until 7:50. yes, i timed her because this happens all the time. she definitely told me and my co-workers to work on shipment because she "shouldn't have to do it" and then proceeded to stand around talking for almost two and a half hours. i cannot tell you how angry that made me. i wish i was more assertive. i day-dreamed of telling her that i wasn't going to work anymore if she continued standing there doing nothing. i wish i could do things like that. i just don't have the guts. she wasn't very happy when i told her i was starting at the bank on the 27th. she told me i couldn't use her as a reference for future jobs. i wanted to tell her that i wouldn't use her as a reference in a million years because she is the most irresponsible, unprofessional person i've ever worked for, but again, i didn't have the guts. *sigh* maybe one day i'll learn to be more assertive.

on a fairly different note... i have to say i'm still frustrated with church. well... maybe not church, just some people at church. i cannot understand why these people think that women should not be in positions of leadership. there is nothing intrinsic about a woman that makes her unable to be a leader. this is the 21st century. we're not cave people. this shouldn't even be an issue. i also can't understand why these people get so upset about others' choice of clothing. evidently something as insignificant as clothing is more important to these people than caring for students. what kind of message are we sending them if we're arguing over wardrobe? i will say that there are other individuals at church for whom i'm very thankful (they tend to be the people who are more open-minded). so i'll try to focus on the positive aspects of church in order to keep myself sane. forgive my rant... i'm just so tired of close-mindedness.

i feel much better now, so i'm off to bed... g'night all... much love...

katie and i are soul-roommates.

last night before we went to bed we both put the same lyrics to "feeling this" by blink 182 in our away messages (without knowing the other one had done so). i would say we spend too much time together, but we don't anymore now that she's home for the summer. maybe our brains communicate silently over a distance. it could happen.

i just found out today that green day and jimmy eat world are playing in philly in september and i can't get tickets!!!!!! i'm so sad! katie and i thought maybe we could just get separate tickets and just stand together somewhere, but we don't know if they'd let us do that. has anyone been to a concert there before? if you have, let me know if you think we'd be able to do that.

on a very different note... i'm thoroughly frustrated and confused by someone tonight (and have been for some time). i'm just not understanding why things are the way they are right now. i'm usually good at figuring people out, but this person is quite a challenge. i really value their friendship... but i need some kind of reciprocation...

and now i need to stop thinking and go to bed. i hope everyone is well... much love...

from Nicholas Sparks' latest novel, True Believer...

"One day, you're going to learn something that can't be explained with science. And when that happens, your life's going to change in ways you can't imagine..."



the past few days have brought with them several unexpected joys... i have great friends... it's good to be alive...



i hope everyone is well... much love...

i can't find my brian regan cd!!!!

well i was a little skeptical about my birthday, but i have to say i had the best day. i woke up to several birthday greetings... and got some others throughout the day. my parents took me to olive garden for lunch, then later all my buds up here came over for dessert and then took me out for some drinks. it was a great night. i couldn't ask for better friends. thanks for making my birthday special, guys. i love you more than words can say...

woo! 21 in 2 days!!! hehe

if you're in the bloomsburg area on monday night, come on over... we're havin' peach trifle!

i really hate not being needed...

i'm quite restless tonight. i got into bed around 12. it is now 1:30 and i still haven't fallen asleep (obviously). i have a lot on my mind... some things i need to think about, some i really don't. i'm remembering my past... and wondering about my future. i can't change the past and i can't predict the future, so i wish i could just stop thinking and fall asleep. i can't say that i'm a fan of nights like these...

i'm such a sucker for surveys. this one was stolen from miss abigail schleinkofer...

[my name is]: jessica lynne bird
[height?]: 5'3"
[in the morning i am]: totally useless
[all i need is]: "love, love... love is all you need..."
[love is]: a mystery
[i'm afraid of]: being hurt... hurting someone else
[i dream about]: lately i've had several dreams about ex-boyfriends... they were all hanging out together... little weird.
-H A V E . Y O U . E V E R-
[been in love]: yep
[cried when someone died]: absolutely
[lied]: yeah
-W H I C H . I S . B E T T E R-
[coke or pepsi]: i don't really like either, but pepsi's better
[flowers or candy]: if the candy is chocolate... definitely candy
[tall or short]: hhhmm... depends on what we're talking about...
-W I T H . T H E . O P P O S I T E . S E X-
[what do you notice first?]: eyes... mmm... eyes
[last person you slow danced with]: probably jay... haha... nothing like dancing to no music ;)
[worst question to ask]: uh... no idea
-W H O-
[makes you laugh?]: katie patatie... pretty much all my friends
[makes you smile]: my friends...
[gives you a funny feeling when you see them]: ...
[who do you have a crush on?]: let's see... johnny depp, ewan mcgregor...
[has a crush on you?]: hah. i'm gonna guess no one
[easiest to talk to]: katie, sarah, mark, ryan, jay, mama :)
-D O . Y O U . E V E R-
[Stay on aim, waitin for someone special to IM you]: bleck.
[save aol/aim conversations]: trillian saves them automatically... sometimes that's not so good for me...
[wish you were a member of the opposite sex]: oh heavens no!
[cry because of someone saying something to you]: i wish i could say i was stronger than that, but i'm not
-H A V E . Y O U . E V E R-
[fallen for your best friend]: yep. it was rough, but i'm hopeful that the friendship will be restored...
[been rejected?]: yep
[rejected someone]: yeah :(
[used someone]: unfortunately, i think i have.
[done something you regret]: oh yeah. many things...
-W H O . W A S . T H E . L A S T . P E R S O N-
[you talked to on the phone]: probably ma
[hugged]: katie
[you instant messaged]: boober
[instant messaged you?]: markus carkus
[you laughed with]:the kateness
-D O . Y O U / / A R E . Y O U-
[color your hair]: nope
[habla espanol]: ugh
[smoke cigarettes]: ew
[obsessive]: with certain things
[could you live without the computer?]: probably not
[how many peeps are on your buddylist?]: there are no peeps on my buddy list. there are a little over 100 people on it though...
[what's your favorite food?]: any kind of pasta
[whats your favorite fruit?]: grapes
[drink alcohol?]: i'm gonna plead the 5th on this one too since i won't be 21 for another couple days...
[like watching sunrises or sunset]: sunsets... sigh... i love sunsets!
[what hurts the most, physical or emotional pain?]: emotional. without a doubt.
[trust others way too easily?]: ha. trust? what's that?

I know it's a cornball thing but
love is passion, obsession, someone
you can't live without. If you
don't start with that, what are you
going to end up with? I say fall
head over heels. Find someone you
can love like crazy and who'll love
you the same way back. And how do
you find him? Forget your head and
listen to your heart. I'm not
hearing any heart.
Run the risk, if you get hurt, you'll
come back. Because, the truth is
there is no sense living your life
without this. To make the journey
and not fall deeply in love -- well,
you haven't lived a life at all.
You have to try. Because if you
haven't tried, you haven't lived.

-Meet Joe Black

there's no place like home...

last night i went to visit jay in j-town. when i got there he hadn't eaten yet, so we decided to go to the jerseytown tavern. for those who don't know, the jerseytown tavern is just about the only place in jerseytown, so most of the people there on a given night are regulars who all know each other. if they don't all know each other, they pretty much all know jay and his family. so as we walked in and sat down a number of people came over to jay to say hi. we sat there chatting with each other and some of the waitresses whom jay tortures each and every time he goes in there to eat (which is pretty often... those poor women). the best part was... wednesday nights are bluegrass nights at the tavern. it was so much fun. the guy who plays the banjo is amazing. i've never seen anyone's fingers move so quickly in my life. i wish i could describe the tavern and the night more fully, but it's something you'd have to experience for yourself to understand. i had such a great time. it's good to be home...

this is a great article. i'll give you the first couple lines, and if you want to read more... click here...

Neither party owns the rights to Christianity
Consider Christianity.
It is a faith broad enough to encompass everything from a pope in Rome to a missionary in South America to a snake handler in Appalachia. Apparently, however, it is not broad enough to encompass a Democrat in North Carolina.

i'd love to know what you think...

stolen from mark's blog...

Once you label me you negate me.
-Soren Kierkegaard

and...

Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.
-Soren Kierkegaard

it's good to be home...

i'm really enjoying spending time with my bloomsburg buds. i had forgotten how much i miss these guys. the past few days have reminded me of some good times we've had together in the past. it's good to know that no matter how far apart we are or how much time has passed since we've seen each other, we're still great friends. i love you guys to pieces!

life is good...

life has been a little insane lately... hence my failure to post...

i had a great talk with someone yesterday about my fear of failing and about my reflex to run when i get hurt... particularly when i'm hurt by 'christians'. it was good to hear that he sometimes feels the same way i do about the church. i'm just so tired of the same old things (how can you be a democrat and a christian? i swear, if i hear that one more time my head is going to explode), so a few months ago i kinda ran away. i'm not really sure that i regret it though. i needed time... i needed space. it just hurts me that so often i'm not accepted in christian organizations because i think differently than most 'christians'. why can't we appreciate our differences and learn from one another!?! why do you have to be right, and i have to be wrong? so i'm a democrat (really... i'm probably more of a socialist... can't wait for the comments on that), so i don't have a problem with drinking, so i swear from time to time (ok, a lot of times), so i like tattoos and piercings... that doesn't make me any less of a christian than the guy in the pew on sunday morning in his khakis and polo shirt. i'm just so tired of defending myself. i'm tired of us not getting along. i'm tired of the bullshit that doesn't matter. so since i was hurt and tired i ran away. but lately i've been realizing that that isn't going to solve anything. it will just mean that all of those 'christians' that hurt me and my friends will get away with what they did, and that is really not okay with me. after many conversations with a number of people, i've decided that i need to do something about this, and i'm not going to be able to change anything if i avoid the problem. so i'm going to try to get back into the church thing. i'm sure this isn't going to be easy for me, but i'm going to try because i'm tired of church being the way it is. i'm tired of many other 'christians' making me look like a heartless asshole. we'll see how it goes...

i LOVE To Kill a Mockingbird... i read this part this morning, and since i'm super early to computer lab, i thought i'd share it with all of you... to give you a little background, the person talking (Atticus Finch) is the father of the two main characters and he's explaining why he made his son read to the grouchy old woman who lived down the street...

"I wanted you to see what real courage is, instead of getting the idea that courage is a man with a gun in his hand. It's when you know you're licked before you begin but you begin anyway and you see it through no matter what. You rarely win, but sometimes you do."

i think that's a great explanation of courage. i've been thinking about things like that lately in regards to this country. a few weeks ago in film we watched a documentary about the vietnam war. the director did a great job of portraying this country's attitude that courage requires wielding a gun and winning no matter what. i wish more people thought of courage in the way Atticus Finch does... maybe we'd find some peace...