life has been a little insane lately... hence my failure to post...

i had a great talk with someone yesterday about my fear of failing and about my reflex to run when i get hurt... particularly when i'm hurt by 'christians'. it was good to hear that he sometimes feels the same way i do about the church. i'm just so tired of the same old things (how can you be a democrat and a christian? i swear, if i hear that one more time my head is going to explode), so a few months ago i kinda ran away. i'm not really sure that i regret it though. i needed time... i needed space. it just hurts me that so often i'm not accepted in christian organizations because i think differently than most 'christians'. why can't we appreciate our differences and learn from one another!?! why do you have to be right, and i have to be wrong? so i'm a democrat (really... i'm probably more of a socialist... can't wait for the comments on that), so i don't have a problem with drinking, so i swear from time to time (ok, a lot of times), so i like tattoos and piercings... that doesn't make me any less of a christian than the guy in the pew on sunday morning in his khakis and polo shirt. i'm just so tired of defending myself. i'm tired of us not getting along. i'm tired of the bullshit that doesn't matter. so since i was hurt and tired i ran away. but lately i've been realizing that that isn't going to solve anything. it will just mean that all of those 'christians' that hurt me and my friends will get away with what they did, and that is really not okay with me. after many conversations with a number of people, i've decided that i need to do something about this, and i'm not going to be able to change anything if i avoid the problem. so i'm going to try to get back into the church thing. i'm sure this isn't going to be easy for me, but i'm going to try because i'm tired of church being the way it is. i'm tired of many other 'christians' making me look like a heartless asshole. we'll see how it goes...