Summa' Time (and God's grace)!

The time that I've been counting down to has finally arrived-- in a whirlwind, I might add.  School was out on the 10th, Davyd's first birthday party was on the 13th, the Bellis-Hughes-White-Prekop family day was on the 14th, and we left for the beach on the 15th.  So much fun, so little sleep! But summer has finally arrived, and with it, the opportunity to begin writing again.  

I've been inspired by some mom-authors that I've been introduced to lately.  I read the majority of Lisa-Jo Baker's book, Surprised by Motherhood on the beach last week.  I don't know how else to describe this book other than "a warm hug".  It was so encouraging to read about another mom who has insecurities and doubts about her ability to be a mom.  I've never considered myself to be very maternal, but after reading this book, and others like it, I'm reminded that being a mom doesn't have to mean having the cleanest, most organized house, or the perfect dinners on the table precisely when my husband walks through the door (let's face it, my husband is the cook.  He merely tolerates what I make because he's desperate and let's not forget the fact that I never had any desire to do these things).  Being a mom is about so much more than outward appearances.  I'm learning this more and more as I parent a wild little man, who is always dirty, hates being cleaned up, and LOVES to throw anything and everything he can get his hands on.  I'm also beginning to wrap my brain around the fact that I'm going to have ANOTHER one of them in October, and my life is going to be filled with dirt, bugs, and naked butts all over the house (Davyd loves to be naked… it really must be innate in boys.  We've already had the "keep it in your pants" conversation-- the one appropriate for 1 year olds.  The other one will come later.  We're already practicing it).  My son has stretched me in many ways since he came into existence.  I've been given the ability to do things I never would have dreamed I'd be able to do in the past. I always knew I wanted to be a mom, I just didn't know that I'd be able to handle it.  

That's the beauty of God's grace.  Tonight, I read the story of Jesus feeding the 5,000 (does it bother anyone else out there that women and children weren't counted?) to Davyd, and I was reminded of the ways that God works in and through us.  The little boy with the five loaves of bread and two fish might have realized that there was no way that could have fed all of those people, but he offered it anyway.  And Jesus took what little he offered and multiplied it to feed all of the people there, and still have leftovers.  I like to think that's what God is doing with my parenting skills.  I don't know how to raise boys.  I'm an only child, and a girl.  I don't understand the desire to eat gross things, tear bugs apart, or wrestle at every opportunity.  I like my personal space, and I like my sleep.  I've lost both of these things in the past year (and nine months… let's be honest, growing a person inside of you is the ultimate loss of personal space), but I have gained so much.  I have been given the chance to get a glimpse of the way that God loves me.  Having the experience of loving Davyd despite his tempter tantrums and waking up way too many times during the night has made God's love for me more real.  To think that God loves me, even more than I love my son, despite my disobedience and lack of faith is truly humbling and awe-inspiring.  Knowing this is the way God loves me makes it that much easier to give Him what little I have in the way of my ability to be a good mom and trust that He will continue to turn that little into much, and even leave some leftovers.  I'm thankful I don't have to do this on my own.