Six weeks ago today, we welcomed our dear little boy, Davyd Atticus into the world. We had invisioned the type of birthing experience seen on TV & movies to some extent- complete with screaming obscenities & other nonsense. Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on one's perspective), that didn't happen. I spent a good part of 6 months contemplating the natural child birth aids I would utilize as I attempted to move this child from one environment to the other. However, all of the reading & worrying I did was useless. (The worrying always is. Maybe I'll learn someday). Labor started in the wee hours of Thursday morning and then progressed & regressed throughout the day.
Finally, after many hours of sitting on my (slightly deflated) exercise ball, we decided to head to the hospital. One thing I did not anticipate was the discomfort of a car ride while in labor. Not fun. Of course, the worst was yet to come. We got settled into triage, & after about an hour, my midwife came in to check on us & mentioned a slight concern she had about Davyd's heart rate during contractions. Naturally, we were somewhat concerned, but since Cheri (our midwife) didn't seem too concerned, we didn't worry too much.
Eventually we were moved to a labor & delivery room, & shortly thereafter, were introduced to Dr. Eichenlaub, who voiced more concerns about Davyd's heart rate. He explained that we may have to do a c-section, but he didn't want to "jump the gun", so he would be monitoring us closely. In the event that a c-section was necessary, he wanted to make the call soon enough so that it didn't become an emergency & Matt could have time to "scrub in" to be in the operating room. After that conversation I had several contractions in which Davyd's heart rate remained high, so our nurse left the room for a moment. As she did, I began having another contraction. The next thing I knew, Matt was frantically pushing the call button & running out of the room to get the nurse. Within seconds, which seemed like an eternity, Matt, our nurse, Dr. Eichenlaub, & several other people entered the room. Davyd's heart rate wasn't coming back up despite changing positions, so Dr. Eichenlaub decided we needed to do an emergency c-section. This is where things get even more blurry. The vision I have of this memory includes bright lights, a stark white ceiling, & an emergency code (which I knew was for me) being played overhead. Within seconds I was in the operating room, unaware of where my husband was (or how he was), & climbing onto the operating table (apparently when the nurse says, "We'll need you to move to the operating table" she doesn't necessarily mean for you to move yourself, but it saves time).
People have asked me how I was feeling during all of this, but it's hard to say. Things were moving so quickly, I didn't have time to think about how I was feeling. I just knew they needed to get my son out, so I was doing everything I thought I should to make that happen more quickly.
Not long after getting onto the table, I was being put under. The anesthesiologist explained that I'd feel a lot of pressure on my throat. It was more than I felt was normal, so to convey my concern I said, "Oh boy" & with that was blissfully unconscious. The next memory I have is the image of a nurse, lights & my husband staring at me & saying things I couldn't comprehend. (Yes, the lights were talking too). Apparently I had come out of the anesthesia much earlier, but I have no recollection of that whatsoever.
Finally, they moved me to the "couplet care" room where I saw my parents (whom, I'm sure were out of their minds with worry), and waited while Matt went to get Davyd from the nursery.
I will never forget the sight of him wheeling that weird crib thing into the room with this tiny little baby that was all ours. I was still a little fuzzy as Matt handed him to me, & I was somewhat concerned that I wasn't quite yet fit to be holding him. It was a great feeling to have my son in my arms, but due to the drugs I was on, was less emotional than I had anticipated. Maybe I shouldn't say less emotional, but emotional in a different way than I had expected. I felt so relieved that I had my little boy & he was healthy & unscathed from his traumatic entrance into this world. I was also still so foggy from anesthesia, I don't think I fully realized that this child in my arms was mine. I mean, I knew he was mine, but the weight of that fact didn't hit until the anesthesia wore off completely.
Our lives have been completely altered by this little one's existence. I am now able to function on less than 4 hours of sleep, which is something I have never been able to do. Motherhood has stretched me in ways I never realized it would (despite being warned by friends... it's something each woman has to experience on her own). It has been a beautiful, exhausting, invigorating, frustrating, and exciting experience- one for which I could not be more grateful.
<3
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