i'm not a big fan of holidays anymore. they're nothing like they used to be. nothing's like it used to be. i must say, i'd really love some kind of normalcy right about now. this holiday season has been a little painful. things with my extended family are still not very good. on christmas eve we usually all get together at my grandfather's house, but this year we didn't because my aunts and uncles can't seem to grow up and get along. so instead my parents and i along with my aunt annie, uncle kollie, uncle carl, aunt jane, and my cousins mary and carl drove to my other family members' homes to drop off their gifts. at the end of this little escapade we ate lunch... in a deli. it reminded me of the chinese restaurant scene from "A Christmas Story". this may not sound too unusual to you, but it was very different for us. i began to wonder if things would ever be the same. christmas used to be so magical for me when i was younger, but now it's lost much of its luster. i wasn't able to see my father's family this year either. we usually have them down the weekend before christmas, but it would have been too hard for my mother this year with all that's going on in her family. i've barely seen any of my friends because they're all busy, and now we might not even be getting together for new year's. this is the last year we'll all be single. cj and greg will be married by this time next year... and shell and brandon 6 months later. i feel like life is moving much too quickly for me to keep up. part of me wants things to stay the same, the other part is desperate for change. i'm not sure i could be more frustrated...