i'm not a big fan of holidays anymore. they're nothing like they used to be. nothing's like it used to be. i must say, i'd really love some kind of normalcy right about now. this holiday season has been a little painful. things with my extended family are still not very good. on christmas eve we usually all get together at my grandfather's house, but this year we didn't because my aunts and uncles can't seem to grow up and get along. so instead my parents and i along with my aunt annie, uncle kollie, uncle carl, aunt jane, and my cousins mary and carl drove to my other family members' homes to drop off their gifts. at the end of this little escapade we ate lunch... in a deli. it reminded me of the chinese restaurant scene from "A Christmas Story". this may not sound too unusual to you, but it was very different for us. i began to wonder if things would ever be the same. christmas used to be so magical for me when i was younger, but now it's lost much of its luster. i wasn't able to see my father's family this year either. we usually have them down the weekend before christmas, but it would have been too hard for my mother this year with all that's going on in her family. i've barely seen any of my friends because they're all busy, and now we might not even be getting together for new year's. this is the last year we'll all be single. cj and greg will be married by this time next year... and shell and brandon 6 months later. i feel like life is moving much too quickly for me to keep up. part of me wants things to stay the same, the other part is desperate for change. i'm not sure i could be more frustrated...

well... i'm home for christmas. when i got home on saturday i was so happy to be in my own house... it's all warm, cozy and decorated for christmas. my happiness was interrupted by some sad news though. cj called to tell me that our friend, dave, passed away in his sleep on friday night. tomorrow we're going to his funeral. i have a mixture of emotions about all of this. dave suffered from cancer for a long time, so i'm happy that he's finally at peace. at the same time i'm going to miss him, and i'm sure his family will as well. words can't really express the kind of person dave was. he was kind, and generous, and funny. he was always concerned about everyone else despite his illness. people went to visit him in an effort to make him feel better, but i think we all ended up feeling better ourselves. he was a special person and will truly be missed...


"May angels lead you in..."

I HATE FINALS!!!!!!

it's funny how i can "forget" how much friends mean to me after not seeing them for months/years... looking forward to christmas break... much love...