As usual, I've been struggling to trust that God is in control of our circumstances. The past few months have delivered challenge after challenge... opportunity to trust after opportunity to trust...

This week, Matt's car died, and at the present time, we don't have the money to fix it. So I've found myself in the position to trust that God has an answer to our needs. And I've failed miserably. Instead of believing that God knows the bigger picture, that He knows our needs even more than we do, and He knows what is ultimately most important, I quickly work to identify how I can fix it. Thankfully, God has seen to it to bless me with wise parents who are able to take what they've learned in their lives to encourage me. (Realizing God's sovereignty in giving me the parents that He did brings me to tears. I am so blessed.) While they were visiting this weekend, they gently reminded me of the fact that God promises that he will never leave me or forsake me... He will never leave us or forsake us. This promise is from Hebrews 13:5... which actually says, "Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said,

'Never will I leave you;
never will I forsake you.' '

What a relief it is to know that God knows our struggles, He knows our needs, and He knows the solution. He is the solution. Today i picked up a book by Max Lucado called, He Chose the Nails. In a chapter entitled "I Understand Your Pain", Max recounts Christ's death on the cross and provides insight into why He chose to do what he did. I love this part:

"Explore this thought with me for just a moment. Why did Jesus live on the earth as long as he did? Couldn't his life have been much shorter? Why not step into our world just long enough to die for our sins and then leave? Why not a sinless year or week? Why did he have to live a life? To take on our sins is one thing, but to take on our sunburns, our sore throats? To experience death, yes-- but to put up with life? To put up with long roads, long days, and short tempers? Why did he do it?
Because he wants you to trust him.
Even his final act on earth was intended to win your trust."

Max talks about Jesus' thirst, and his initial refusal to drink wine with myrrh. The thing is, myrrh contains a sedative that numbs the senses. So Jesus chose to feel the full force of his suffering instead of taking the wine that would lessen his pain. Why on earth would he do this? Because He knew we would feel pain too. Here's more from the chapter:

"He knew you would be weary, disturbed, and angry. He knew you'd be sleepy, grief-stricken, and hungry. He knew you'd face pain. If not the pain of the body, the pain of the soul... pain too sharp for any drug. He knew you'd face thirst. If not a thirst for water, at least a thirst for truth, and the truth we glean from the image of a thirsty Christ is-- he understands."

He understands, and that's enough. I can't get the words to "Everything" by Lifehouse out of my head...


Find Me Here
Speak To Me
I want to feel you
I need to hear you
You are the light
That's leading me
To the place where I find peace again.

You are the strength, that keeps me walking.
You are the hope, that keeps me trusting.
You are the light to my soul.
You are my purpose...you're everything.

How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

You calm the storms, and you give me rest.
You hold me in your hands, you won't let me fall.
You steal my heart, and you take my breath away.
Would you take me in? Take me deeper now?

How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

Cause you're all I want, You're all I need
You're everything,everything
You're all I want your all I need
You're everything, everything.
You're all I want you're all I need.
You're everything, everything
You're all I want you're all I need, you're everything, everything.

And How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

♥

i've been finding myself longing for new things lately, namely a new home. sometimes i even begin to feel sorry for myself that money is tight and we haven't been able to buy a house yet, but today i talked to a 14 year old girl who doesn't eat breakfast in the morning because there simply isn't enough food at her house. from outward appearances, one would never guess that she and her younger sister sometimes go hungry. she looks like a typical 14 year old. the difference with her and others is that her father is disabled, and the food stamps that the family receives every month because of his disability simply don't provide enough food for the family.

as she told her story, i began to feel incredibly embarrassed. i've always had a kitchen full of food (even though i sometimes open the pantry and and report to matt that "there's no food in this house"), a warm place to live, and more importantly, wonderful people to share these blessings with, but i often take these blessings for granted. i should spend my time being overwhelmingly thankful for what i have, and not even give thought to what i don't have.

on that note, i couldn't be more thankful for God's patience with me...

just found this post i wrote a couple years ago... thought it was fitting for how i'm feeling tonight.

T-R-U-S-T

this word has come up a lot lately. actually, it has come up a lot throughout my life, and yet i am no closer to mastering the concept now than i was years ago.

trust has never come naturally to me, as i'm sure it probably doesn't to many people, but in looking back on my life i can see that my ability to trust has diminished as time has passed. at first glance, this might seem like a natural chain of events... the more a person is disappointed by others, the less able he or she will be to trust. it is true that i've been disappointed and hurt by some people in my life, so perhaps it's logical for me to not trust those individuals anymore. however, it isn't logical for me to mistrust other people who have never given me a reason to believe that they're not trustworthy. what's even more illogical is for me to mistrust God. he has never given me a reason not to trust him, but has given me every reason to trust him. not only did he die on a cross so that i could spend eternity with him (pretty sure if someone does that, he's trustworthy), but he's protected me from a great deal of pain... even though i chose to get myself into painful situations. the thing is, no matter how stupid i am, no matter how incredibly poor the choices i make are, God wants to give me good things. this is a concept that i can't seem to grasp, probably because it seems totally illogical. why would God want to give someone like me--someone who is selfish, impatient, untrusting (etc, etc)-- good things?!? in wordly terms that doesn't make sense. but that's the beauty of who God is. he's not of this world, and therefore does things differently. in this world, we get rewarded when we perform well. but God desires to bless us even though we continually screw up. yes, you read that correctly... he desires to bless us. he wants us to experience all that he has for us (ie., what's best for us). so why is it so difficult to trust him? probably because sometimes what's best for us happens in a painful manner. sometimes in order to learn, God allows us to be hurt, and sometimes we get hurt just because this world isn't perfect. there's risk involved with trust. but another beautiful thing about God is that he knows what that risk is like. when Jesus was on this earth, he experienced that risk. he knows exactly how it feels.

the creator of the universe knows exactly how i feel at this very moment...


what an incredible thought.